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China, TOEFL-iBT integrated writing- Macro Polo


minnamiue 1 / 2  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
Below is an article relating to toefl integrated writing, could someone help me to fix it up and tell me about what you think about? THX!!!

In reaction to the issue whether Marco Polo had traveled to China or not, the professor of the article is of the opinion that actually he did not visit China by offering clues involving three aspects- Mongolian place-names, Chinese culture and ancient recordings. However, such facets are now being challenged by the lecturer, who deeply believes that the opposite is true.

First of all, the lecturer argues that even though Marco Polo, who supposed to live in China for seventeen years, failed to pick up any Chinese name, and besides in his well known book- The Travels of Marco Polo, the name of locations and directions were written in Persian, these evidence are not strong enough to belie the fact that he had been to China. After all, Persian was universal trade language used between Asia and Europe at that time. Thus, it is totally reasonable to borrow Chinese place-names from the Persian source.

Moreover, the lecturer also claims that the prosperity of Chinese tea culture were pervasive mainly in southern China, but not in northern part, the place where Marco Polo stayed for most of his time. Therefore, it is understandable why he did not mention such prosperous phenomena in his book.

Finally, consider the doubt why the name Marco Polo did not exist in Chinese documents, as the professor states. It is possible that the name was referred to a distinct form that historians have difficulties to decipher. It is also likely that the real name was not allowed to be used in official records. Or even simply because documents describing the story of Macro Polo were lost, hence no evidence exists to bear this out.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 27, 2011   #2
In reaction to the issue of whether Marco Polo had traveled to China or not, the author of the article is of the opinion that actually he did not visit China by offering clues involving three aspects- Mongolian place-names, Chinese culture and ancient recordings. However, such facets are now being challenged by the lecturer, who deeply believes that the opposite is true. ---This paragraph is very unclear. First of all, if you're referring to a specific article or story, you should say the name of it. Also you started with, "In reaction to..." Should is read, "In regards to...?

First of all, the lecturer argues that even though Marco Polo, who supposedly lived in China for seventeen years, failed to pick up...

...the name of locations and directions were written in Persian,---The Persian language is Farsi.

...this evidence is not strong enough to belie the fact that he had been to China.

Thus, it is totally reasonable to borrow Chinese place-names from the Persian source.---good point!

Finally, consider the doubt as to why the name Marco Polo did not exist in Chinese documents, as the professor states.

It is possible that the name was referred to a distinct form that historians have a difficult time deciphering.
OP minnamiue 1 / 2  
Feb 28, 2011   #3
Thanks for your friendly replying.

About your first comment, sorry I failed to tell deeply about the TOEFL integrated writing. It is a test examining your ability of paraphrase. As a result, testers are first asked to read an article about a specific topic. Then, listen to a lecture reacting to the same topic, but the lecture usually holds the opposite position against author's opinion. Testers' roles are to paraphrase what you have heard and compare lecturer's reasons for supporting his opinion to those aspects stated in the article. Therefore, under such background, is my first paragraph suitable? THX!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 28, 2011   #4
Hello, I don't know what she thinks, but I think it is effective.

However, can you make this part clearer? ----> is of the opinion that actually he did not visit China by offering clues involving three aspects- Mongolian place-names, Chinese culture and ancient recordings. --- "Is" means you are using the verb "to be." But he cannot "be" of an opinion "by offering clues." He can support his opinion by offering clues.

...is supports his opinion that Marco Polo actually did not visit China by offering clues involving three aspects- Mongolian place-names, Chinese culture and ancient recordings.

BTW I think you did a great job of explaining TOEFL.
OP minnamiue 1 / 2  
Mar 1, 2011   #5
I see your points!!
Thanks~^^
You are so kind.


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