Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Has the Chinese government changed after the Tiananmen Square Massacre?


ken349137 1 / -  
May 26, 2010   #1
To what extend has the Chinese government changed after the Tiananmen Square Massacre, did democracy arrive in China?

June 4th 1989, about 2000 civilians are killed in the Tiananmen Square. The reason behind this is because protestors wanted more rights. A silent protesting action because a massacre after the government gave their last warning. China had changed a lot after the Tiananmen Square Massacre and the government gave people more rights.

The protesting action started on April 15th, it's after the death of Mr. Yaobang Hu. Yaobang Hu is one of the famous leaders that asked for democracy for the Chinese and he's one of the anti-corruption leaders. People from the famous schools in China started to gather around the Tiananmen Square. On May 4th, more than 100,000 people gathered in front of the Tiananmen Square, almost started a political war between democracy and communism. People used civil disobedience to protest by splashing ink on Mao's picture on Tiananmen Square and they were later jailed.

The Chinese Government sent military out and they said that if the protestors do not move out of the military entrance and continue to protest, they will attack the people. On June 3rd, the people continued to do their civil disobedience. That night, the Chinese government ordered the military to attack. The protestors did not even attack or provoke the soldiers but the military fired. The soldiers actually fired at their own people just to get them off the military entrance. The attack continued until June 5th. During that period of time, tanks were sent out and they showed no mercy to the protestors. The explanation of the attack is because more and more students join the protest and they attacked the military. They need to stop this before more people joins and more people getting injured. The protestors were students, they are not going to attack the military or start a revolution, all they want is to show the government that they want democracy. The students on the street didn't hold any weapons, because it's just an act of showing the government what they want, not starting a war with the military. The military used expanding bullets, which are prohibited by the United Nations. These bullets expand or explode after they entered someone's body. It is inhumane to kill people with expanding bullets or crushing them with tanks. All the military want was to get the people out of the Tiananmen Square; they could use tear gas instead of the expanding bullets or rifles. In the morning of June 5th, the streets of Beijing city were filled with corpses. Corpses were stacked up and nobody cleaned that up, or at least the government did not even inform the family members of the dead to pick their corpse home.

One of the most famous people in the twentieth century appears in an incident on June 5th, 1989, he is the tank man, whose eagerness of freedom inspired the world. In the morning of June 5th morning, the tanks were trying to get out of Tiananmen Square. The people got out of the way of the tanks right away, because they knew that the tanks will kill them after what happened on June 4th. However, there was brave student, who knew the consequences but he doesn't care. He stood in front of the tanks and tried to stop the tanks from going out. He knew that the tanks are going to squash him, but to him, peace might be more important than his life. According to "times.com", the website of times magazine, reporter Charlie Cole said," I think his action captured peoples' hearts everywhere, and when the moment came, his character defined the moment, rather than the moment defining him. He made the image. I was just one of the photographers. And I felt honored to be there." His bravery and his eagerness for peace and democracy had spread around the world. He moved when the tanks tried to go around him, he climbed up the tank to talk to one of the soldiers but nobody knew what they were talking about. Until today, the identity of tank man is still unknown.

21 years have passed, China still doesn't have democracy. People do not get to choose their president or other officers in the government. The president is voted by people who held the top power. If one wants to be a leader or any officers in any department of the government, he/she could actually pay for the position. These caused another reason which caused the Tiananmen Square Massacre, anti-corruption. It doesn't change in these 21 years, it actually got worse. In China, about 80% of the officers are corrupted because if one doesn't corrupt or is not corrupted, his/her job would not last long. He/she has to be corrupted in order to have the money to corrupt people who have a higher rank. Officers' salaries are mostly from the corrupted money, not from their base salary. People might ask if they will get caught; the answer is they will never get caught. The reason is because everyone is corrupted, they are corrupted themselves. In additional they accepted the money from other people, so it is like a spider web, people help each other because they are like corrupting or is corrupted. So it is so hard for the Anti-corruption to come.
puroodsy 3 / 16  
May 27, 2010   #2
Hello,

I think you need to proofread your essay better. There are quite a few grammatical errors, some of which I noted below:

On June 4th 1989, about 2000 civilians are[change to past tense!] killed in the Tiananmen Square. The reason behind this is becausewas that protestors wanted more rights. A silent protesting action because a massacre after the government gave their last warning.[I don't understand this sentence] China had changed a lot ...

The protesting actionprotest started on April 15th, it'sit was after the death of Mr. Yaobang Hu. Yaobang Hu is[past tense since Hu died!] one of the famous leaders that ...

... they said that if the protestors do[past tense] not move out of (...) continue to protest, they will[past tense] attack the people.

They need to stop this before more people joins and more people getting injured [past tense!] . The protestors were students, they are not going to attack the military or start a revolution, all they want is to show the government that they want democracy [past tense!] .

These bullets expand or explode after they entered someone's body[past tense!] .
All the military want was to get the people out of the Tiananmen Square [past tense!] ; they could use ...

... in an incident on June 5th, 1989, heWHO IS HE?!? is the tank man, whose eagerness ...

... because they knew that the tanks will kill them after what happened on June 4th[past tense!] .

In China, about 80% of the officers are corruptedIt's CORRUPT. You only use corrupted for computer files because if one doesn't corrupt ...
He/she has to be corrupted in order to have the money to corruptI think you meant bribe people who have a higher rank.

There are many awkward expressions that can be corrected, but I didn't really have the time to do it. I think you should really proofread your essay before submission to your teachers, or even before posting in the forum; otherwise the quality of your essay writing skill can't improve.

Anyway, I'm particularly interested in China's affairs, so I have a few content comments for you. The question comes in 2 parts: 1. Has the Chinese government changed after the Tiananmen Square Massacre? and 2. did democracy arrive in China? In my opinion, you don't really need to describe Tiananmen Massacre in so great details, it costs you time and word count. If I were you, I would write this essay like this:

1. Has the Chinese government changed?
- What was it like before? (Oppressive, Corrupt, Power concentrated in a few leaders, People's Liberation Army PLA heavily controlled by China's Communist Party CCP and many other issues)

- What is it like now?
+ Still corrupt, still oppressive (this part you covered)
+ However there is a reform in the political structure which benefits the citizens (CCP and China's State attempt to separate from each other, PLA nationalised to defend the people instead of CCP, institutionalisation, improvement in judiciary system to ensure fairness). It is true that such reforms have yet to show much progress, but you cannot ignore China's efforts to change.

2. Democracy?
+ CCP is the leading party--> impossible for democracy to come in in the near future
+ However, signs of democracy are shown through village elections (taken place in more than 80% of villages in China, extending to urban areas like Shanghai in 2007). Though citizens only get to vote for the grassroot officials, this movement is the harbinger of democracy.

Basically, always look at 2 points of view to ensure that the essay is balanced. Best of luck for your essay!


Home / Writing Feedback / Has the Chinese government changed after the Tiananmen Square Massacre?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳