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Chocolate bar is made by Theobroma cacao. The first step in making chocolate is grinding. [IELTS]


akhfan 5 / 9 3  
Dec 16, 2014   #1
The diagram compares the procedure of chocolate-making and the percentage distribution of the chocolate bar cost for five sectors. It can be seen that cocoa butter and cocoa powder are two products which is produced by pressing while chocolate bar is made in chocolate factory with additions of cocoa butter and sugar. By contrast, farmer just accepted a very small proportion than others.

Chocolate bar is made by Theobroma cacao. The first step in making chocolate is grinding. Cocoa seed is grinded by machine until the liquor of the cacao separate with its waste. Second, the cacao liquor will be processed to become cocoa powder for food industry, cocoa butter, and chocolate bar. In making cocoa butter and cocoa powder is processed by pressing while chocolate bar can be made in industrial chocolate with adding some sugar and cocoa butter.

When the chocolate bar has been produced, all contributors in producing chocolate bar will receive the profit in per cent for every chocolate bar cost. As we can see at pie chart, the cost of chocolate bar is divided into five figures. The cost of ingredient and production has the highest proportion more than a third around 37%. It is following with the supermarket which accepts 34%. By contrast, the farmer just receives a very small proportion of chocolate bar cost at 4% while the proportion of tax at 15% and chocolate factory 10% higher than the percentage of farmer trend.




somasalims 15 / 27 5  
Dec 17, 2014   #2
It can be seen that cocoa butter and cocoa powder are two products which is produced by pressing while chocolate bar is made in chocolate factory with additions of cocoa butter and sugar. By contrast, farmer just accepted a very small proportion than others.

Great job Andy, but I think this overview is not clear. Let me try to rewrite you overview:

Overall, it can be seen that cocoa butter and cocoa powder are two products which are produced by pressing while chocolate bar is made in chocolate factory with additions of cocoa butter and sugar as well as cocoa liquor . By contrast, farmer just accepted a very the smallest proportion than compared to others.

Good Luck!
ruwchii 6 / 18 3  
Dec 17, 2014   #3
Let me rewrite this sentence

In making cocoa butter and cocoa powder(put commas) is processed by pressing(put commas) while chocolate bar can be made in industrial chocolate withby adding some sugar and cocoa butter.

In manufacturing cocoa butter and cocoa powder, the cocoa liquor is pressed by pressing machine, while chocolate bar is produced in industrial chocolate by adding some sugar and cocoa butter

I suggest you to pay more attention in word choices. It should be better if you use appropriate words in your sentences. (i.e "made" can be replaced by "produce" or "manufacture" related to industrial vocabulary)


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