Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Essay about the choice of the people between following a healthy lifestyle and relying on medicine


dolelongan 1 / -  
Feb 26, 2018   #1
These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyles.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?


medical care protection



Nowadays, it is claimed that there are more and more people rather depend on medical care than look after themselves. I am totally agree with this point of view. As a student myself, I find that there are too many homeworks that I am lack of leisure time for another activities.

The first reason is that people these days in shortage of time to take care of their health. Take the children in Vietnam as an example, they have to go to school every weekdays, from 7am to 5pm, some even have extra classes, and then at night they have to stay up late to prepare lessons for the next morning. Therefore, they do not tend to have enough time take part in some outdoor exercise, especially high school students. Not to mention the pressure of continuously examination, schoolworks and assignments.

Another reason that people are dependent on doctor is that they seem to be indifferent to their own lives than ever before. There is an critical increase in the number of "workoholics" in the last few years. Morever, there are many cases that people have to go to the hospital just because they are over-working or having eaten too much junk food. In the same thing, it is common in Vietnam to see that teenagers or even adults spend hours playing computer games.

In conclusion, the way people living these days are really concerned and this may become a crisis in some developing countries, where are in shortage of man to help the nation. The authority should take steps to improve the qualities of the people lifestyles.

senuthilini 5 / 16 1  
Feb 27, 2018   #2
@dolelongan

As a reader I can see some grammar and spelling issues in your essay.

ex:
an a critical increase
Morever Moreover

and I personally believe that you should improve the sentence building skills.

your essay given too many answers to the point of unhealthy lifestyle but not focus on the other part of the topic "people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine".

This is my personal view. I too a learner, so please do not get offended.


Home / Writing Feedback / Essay about the choice of the people between following a healthy lifestyle and relying on medicine