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Choose a day in your life which did not start off well


Faheekah 1 / -  
Jul 3, 2007   #1
Subject:
Choose a day in your life which did not start off well, but then something positive happened.

The day in my life which did not start off well, but then something positive happened was on a Sunday. I awake early that day and went to church. I didn't have a job, and the balance on my bank account was less than ten dollars. I was like someone you can call a shoddier. But, I knew because of God that's in my life, everything is achievable. After the church was over, I drove back home. When I've got home, I ate some left-over food that I cooked the day before, and went to sleep briefly. As I lay there, I was thinking about, how I was going to pay for my lease. Unexpectedly, I heard a bang at the door. In my mind, I was wondering who it may perhaps be. I knew for a fact it wasn't one of my acquaintances or relatives, because they habitually call me before approaching to my house. When I opened the door, I've seen a gentleman standing there. He had a trouser suit on, and he was holding a flat flexible case for carrying papers or books. He looks like someone whose profession is to conduct lawsuit for clients. His first question was, "Do you recognize who I am?" I couldn't respond him, because I was clueless. As we were chatting, he started telling me about our pass. For example, he told me about a day, back in middle school, how he didn't have lunch money, and I gave him three dollars to purchase lunch. He moved to Chicago right after middle school. He is now a successful lawyer. He gave me some advices, and he also inspires me with hopes. Before he departs, he gave me a sachet. It has a thousand dollars inside. I was blessed. That late afternoon everything changed. In conclusion, I have learned to offer assistance or support to individuals in needs.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Jul 4, 2007   #2
Greetings!

What an interesting story! I have made some corrections for you:

The day in my life which did not start off well, but then something positive happened was on a Sunday. I awoke early that day and went to church. I didn't have a job, and the balance on my bank account was less than ten dollars. I was like someone you can call a shoddier. [what is a shoddier?] But, I knew because God was in my life, everything was achievable. After church was over, I drove back home. When I got home, I ate some left-over food that I had cooked the day before, and went to sleep briefly. As I lay there, I was thinking about how I was going to pay for my lease. Unexpectedly, I heard a bang at the door. In my mind, I was wondering who it might be. I knew for a fact it wasn't one of my acquaintances or relatives, because they habitually call me before approaching my house. When I opened the door, I saw a gentleman standing there. He wore a suit, and he was holding a flat, flexible case for carrying papers or books. He looked like someone whose profession is to conduct lawsuits for clients.[you could just say "he looked like a lawyer."]

His first question was, "Do you recognize who I am?" I couldn't answer him, because I was clueless. As we were chatting, he started telling me about our past. For example, he told me about a day, back in middle school, when he didn't have lunch money, and I gave him three dollars to purchase lunch. He moved to Chicago right after middle school. He is now a successful lawyer. He gave me some advice, and he also inspired me with hope. Before he departed, he gave me a sachet. It had a thousand dollars inside. I was blessed. That late afternoon everything changed. In conclusion, I have learned to offer assistance or support to individuals in need.

You might want to go into a little more detail about his advice and how he inspired you with hope. It would add to the story.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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