Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration

Hailey 1 / -  
Jul 27, 2021   #1
Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Some people believe that the amount of paycheck is the most important factor when it comes to job hunting. I completely disagree with this opinion as there are other aspects to consider when applying for a job.

I believe that we should work in a field that suits our abilities. Some jobs guarantee a higher salary rate in comparison to other occupations that attract those who aim to make a lot of money. However, these jobs demand special skills and proper training from the employees. To illustrate, jobs in the medical field such as doctor or surgeon ensure good income, yet workers in the field are required to complete years of academic study which is not accessible to everyone. Some people could not enter Medical school while others choose to drop out due to the overwhelming study program.

Jobs can have a profound impact on our life and I think that it is important to have an occupation that we are passionate about. An average person spends 8 hours at work per day, hence the quality of a workday undeniably affects our physical and psychological health. Working in a field of our interest is wonderful because we can do things that we like while also making ends meet. By contrast, it is detrimental to stay in a job that brings us no joy despite the high income it. The stress from work lingers on even after we leave the workplace, leaving us drained and disoriented. This long-term unhappy state of mind could eventually lead to mental issues such as depression and anxiety. All the money we made would be spent on therapies and medications to get ourselves better.

In conclusion, applying for a job is an important decision that should be made based on our academic performance and interest.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,562 4442  
Jul 28, 2021   #2
The essay is well developed for the most part. The paragraphs connect well from the restatement + opinion, first reasoning paragraph, and second reasoning paragraph. However, the second reasoning paragraph lacks a balanced presentation when compared to the first explanation presented. Where the first reason was properly supported by a strong thesis, applicable supporting examples, and relevant explanations, the second paragraph did not completely deliver in the same manner.

When one is trying to make a valid point, the discussion should have a razor sharp focus on a single, strong basis. The dual topic discussion created a less than well-developed like of reasoning. The first topic, while valid, is too brief in reasoning development. The second topic, connects better to the previous discussion and has a more solid explanation. It creates a comparative discussion that remains true to the writer's opinion statement.

Finally, the concluding summary needs more work. A proper recap of the topic , opinion, and final supporting reasons would have closed the essay on the strongest possible note.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration