Many young people in the workforce today change their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons for this？ Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage？
young people change their jobs every few years
Nowadays, many young people in the workforce choose other jobs or occupations every few years because they think that this can benefit themselves. I do not think that the advantages of changing jobs outweigh the disadvantages from many aspects.
There are some reasons why young people would change their jobs every few years. For instance, changing the workplace can help them develop other professional skills. Because it is more competitive for young people in the workforce today than in the past, learning more skills in workplaces can give them more job opportunities. Besides, this phenomenon usually results from the payment. If other positions or occupations offer a better salary, they are easily to change their jobs. In general, young people can get benefits from changing jobs or careers.
On the other hand, changing jobs too often has some disadvantages. Firstly, this may post a threat to their job security. Employers are easily to think that they are not loyal to their companies. Secondly, if young people change jobs too often, they might lose chances of promotion. It could be seen in many companies that most managers or directors are experienced and have devoted themselves to the same position or company for several years. Thirdly, for those young people who are easily to change their job often, they have to spend time on searching a new room or flat as well to shorten their traveling time to work.
From my point of view, there are both advantages and disadvantages of changing a job or career. If young people intend to change their work or occupation every few years, they have to compare the pros and cons.
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Ke, it appears to me that you have a thorough understanding of the prompt requirements. Your discussions reflect some pretty acceptable reasons for the discussion and you were able to add a simple point of view coming from your analysis of the situation. These are all good traits in the essay. However, there are still a few shortcomings that should have been addressed.
First of all, you never offer an opinion or a point of view in the summary statement. Aside from the paraphrasing, you should only offer an outline of the discussion to follow, without any additional information yet. The reason you should not include information in the first paragraph is the same reason why you are not allowed to introduce new information in the conclusion, you will be unable to properly develop the reason at that point so it is best to give it a stand alone, explanatory paragraph within the essay instead.
The essay would also have been better presented and have more of an authoritative slant if you had presented only one advantage and disadvantage to discuss in separate paragraphs. It is not the number of supporting facts that you present to the examiner that matters but the quality of the supporting facts. If it shows a clear ability to analyze a statement and defend it in English, then your grammar accuracy and task accuracy will be scored higher.
That said, you also failed to develop a proper concluding statement for the essay. Please refer to the reasons I cited for the opening statement for the explanation of the mistake in your concluding statement.
Due to these reasons, it will be most likely that you would not score higher than a 5.
It is an interesting subject. Nowadays, this trend has really become visible for many to see.
In the second paragraph where you wrote;
If other positions or occupations offer a better salary;
You could continue like this;
They may or become easily swayed and change jobs!
Since you already received feedback on the essay structure, I will try to highlight some grammatical/stylistic errors.
Because it is more competitive for young ... - Because the workplaces today are more competitive than they used to be,...
...offer a better salary, they are likelyto change their jobs.
Employers are easily to think that ... - Employers could be inclined to think that...
...they have to spend time on searching new accommodation