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Choosing to live in a horizontal or vertical city has been a headache dilemma to city dwellers


Hanh Nguyen 1 / -  
Nov 12, 2018   #1

Live in a horizontal or vertical city?



Please help me by checking thí essay. Thank you.

TOPIC:Some people think that it is best to live in a vertical city (mean that people work and live in high buildings) while others think a horizontal city is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

ESSAY:
Choosing to live in a horizontal or vertical city has been a headache dilemma to city dwellers. While some people are in favor of settling in those cities which develop with high-rise buildings, I support that large cities planned to develop towards the suburb would bring more benefits.

On the one hand, in the urbanisation age less and less area available, horizontal cities have gained a wide popularity and attracted a lot of migrant workers with a variety of reasons. The initial reason is that in horizontal cities, residents usually live in multi-storey buildings which offer a lot of conveniences such as quickly having access to commercial centres, coffee shops or various services right in those low stores in the building. Another reason is that as almost all people living in skyscraper buildings, a large area would be saved for other public purposes. For example, to meet the huge demand of transport, local authorities would allocate resource to construct modern road systems with large lanes, which, therefore, facilitate the flow of traffic and avoid traffic congestion.

On the other hand, there are several advantages of living in cities developed vertically. Firstly, it is clear that in vertical cities, residents are less likely to suffer from the hustle and bustle of overcrowded places and have their private spaces in their houses. For instance, in a house accompanied by a garden, a greener lifestyle would be promoted as they plant trees and vegetables for themselves. Secondly, unlike flats or apartments, living in small houses does not require any services charges such as parking fees or fees to reconstruct the building.

In conclusion, living in a horizontal or vertical city would have its own merits and choosing where to live certainly depends on people's conditions.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Nov 13, 2018   #2
Nguyen, I will not continue to review your essay based on the grammatical mistakes, sentence structure errors, or even coherence and cohesiveness because you made a big mistake at the very start of this essay. The mistake was that your prompt paraphrase turned a 5 paragraph tri point of view essay into a single opinion /point of view discussion. This shows that you do not have the appropriate English comprehension skills with which to accomplish the test requirements. You decided to issue a direct question response when it was not necessary to do so. A direct question response is only required when being asked a direct question in the prompt, which was not the situation with this particular presentation. This essay instructed:

Original Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Paraphrased Instruction: I support that large cities planned to develop towards the suburbs would bring more benefits.

Correct Instruction Paraphrase: It is important that I understand the basis for both opinions for the discussion before I develop my opinion about this subject.


In addition to that mistake, you also said that the topic is a "headache dilemma", this is a mistake. the points of view are neither a headache nor a dilemma. What is being offered here is a discussion of opposing ideas. Avoid exaggerating your comments because that will not help increase your score, but it could lower your C&C as well as LR scores due to incoherent use of terms and wrong vocabulary understanding.

Each point of view must be presented as such, individual public opinions rather than implying that the two points of view are based on a personal opinion. That is not the only basis of the discussion. There are 3 discussion considerations: the pro, the con, and the personal opinion. Each should be clear in the essay with two being of public knowledge and one being of personal knowledge and experience.

Due to the marked errors in this essay, there is no chance that this can qualify for a passing score. Since your essay is tangential in response, you will only be partially scored for the part of the essay that you do respond to. Since that will mean that the essay will be coming in under the required minimum word count, then you cannot be considered for a passing score.


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