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IELTS WRITING about the circus popularity

Aegris 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2019   #1
Please help me revise my writing. I'm currently going for IELTS and I suck at writing. Please help!!!!!!

In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age ?

an enjoyable entertainment in the modern age?

In this modern era, circus is still a popular entertainment all over the world. Although technology now is more developed, circus shows are still visited by many people. There are some reasons why they are still popular despite the development of technology.

First, the feeling it brings to the audiences. Most people like to watch something different. In the circus, there are acrobats and sometimes animals such as tiger, elephant, and other exotic animals to entertain them. People are excited in seeing the acrobats perform from a rope high up in the air and the animals following the trainers commands. In addition, clowns and jugglers make the children fascinated by their action.

Second, it is suitable for all ages from children to adults.For the children that are mostly curious of everything, they are eager to watch the acrobats, jugglers, and the animals. As a result, they want to go to the circus again after watching it once. As for the adults, going to the circus might allow them to relieve their stress and think about the fun they had in their childhood. Besides that, the parents can enjoy it together with their child.

In conclusion, circus is still a popular entertainment even in this modern era where technology is developing and provides a lot of ways for people to entertain themselves. It is unique in its own style and is suited for all ages. And the popularity of circus does not seem like it will decrease in the near future.

Quizzy 4 / 13  
Oct 22, 2019   #2
I don't think you are that bad at writing. Your points given are very good but I believe you can add more reasons. In your third paragraph, change second to Secondly. All the best.
OP Aegris 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2019   #3
Thank you. I'll try my best 😆😆
chloeyyy123 3 / 5 1  
Oct 22, 2019   #4
Overall you did a clear job of describing your opinion, I am convinced by your reasons. Here is an advice I want to give you, try using more transition words instead of the word "first, second", it'll make your essay more flexible.
roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Oct 30, 2019   #5
Hi, I would like to give you some grammatical advice.😁😁

1. Curious "about", not"of"

2.with their"children", not "child"

3.trainers' command -- remember to put ' after trainers.

4.think about the fun --- "recall" the fun

5. ...where technology is developing and "providing"a lots of ways..... V-ing and V-ing

Hope it would help.😁😁

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