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Cities with iconic buildings makes their look special and unique; IELTS Writing Task 2

ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 21, 2016   #1
Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

If the people are asked to mention a thing about Paris, Italy, and Dubai, what will they tell about? Probably most of them will give the same answers. As we know, those countries are so popular because of having an iconic building that makes them special from others. Paris has Eiffel Tower which known by the couples in the world as a symbol of romance. Italy has Pisa Tower which is looked slanting and be famous because of its unique architecture. Then what country has the highest skycraper on the earth? Of course, that is Dubai with its Burj Khalifa!

In my view, I agree that an impressive building is one of the important things that should be exist in every city and can be an identity of the city. However, it does not mean that it must be large, high, expensive, and sophisticated. The main point is how that construction can show the local wisdom and the culture of the city.

Indonesia, for example, consists of diverse cultures and has the unique features in every region. We can see 'Rumah Gadang' in Padang, 'Borobudur Temple' -that had been awarded as one of the seven wonders in the world- in Yogyakarta, 'Rumah Honai' -the indigenous' house- in Papua, and so on. Government should not spend much money to build a new one. They can utilize the old building and do some improvements to make it better. If it can be a tourist attraction, it will give a benefit in tourism that increase the local economy.

Finally, it depends on the need of a country. Therefore, instead of spending much money to make a majestic building, it will be better if the government can manage the finance wisely by giving more priority to the other urgent things such us developing the schools and health service centres.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 21, 2016   #2
Hi Ashela, apart from technical issues that are occurred in your essay, I would rather focus on seeing the content. For me, your essay was quite unusual. I have read many sample answers of IELTS writing task 2 but none of them have a paragraph development like what you've created. There are two possibilities that can appear with this type of answer. First, you would get a high band score and second, you would probably attain a low band score due to unusual type of writing.

I would also like to suggest you to use "Writing Band Descriptors of IELTS task 2" as your guidance. You can find it in IELTS.org. In that band descriptors, you will see in "task response" criteria (band 5) that mentions "address all task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places". It is pretty clear that inappropriate format would drag your band score down to 5.0 for task response. Just be more careful in constructing an IELTS task 2 essay.

Therefore, my suggestion for you is that you need to read more sample answers to help you determining what kind of essay-structure that suits you best. For me, the appropriate essay-structure for an IELTS task 2 essay is as follows:

1st paragraph (introduction paragraph):
- 1st sentence > you can just simply paraphrase the question
- 2nd sentence > create a thesis statement (mention your stance/position). Remember, expressing a clear and relevant position can increase your band score.
- 3rd sentence > outline your thesis statement (explain your thesis statement by using keywords, especially your ideas. If you had two main ideas that you want to write in body paragraphs, state it here. Creating overall progression would help you to reach band 6 or above.)

2nd and 3rd paragraph (body paragraph(s):
- create a topic sentence based on the keywords that you've stated in the introduction (ex: Smoking is bad) (1st sentence)
- explain the reason WHY (ex: smoking is bad because...) (2nd sentence)
- give some examples to support your view (ex: a cigarette consists of ...) (3rd sentence)
- write the implication of your examples (as a result, smokers will...) (4th sentence)
- conclude the paragraph (all in all, smoking is bad due to... ) (5th sentence)

4th paragraph (concluding paragraph):
- simply paraphrase your thesis statement / the outline of it (1st or 2nd sentence)
- write a recommendation, fear, hope for the future (2nd or 3rd sentence)

As you can see, the above-mentioned feedback indicates that a better essay-structure is more likely to increase your band score. Good luck for the next practice :)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 21, 2016   #3
Hi Ashela.
I am delighted to read your writing. Let me help you to finalize this writing. These are my suggestions related to the flow of your writing.

I have read your writing closely and found the odd things at the first paragraph. That paragraph did not cover the meaning of the question. Well, it is impressive because the infrmation which you described is interesting. However, the writing task2 should be guided by the task acheivements. Based on the band descriptors, you have missed the task achievement or explained out of the topic. It can lower your score. Fortunately, the circumstance happened at the beginning writing. This will make the examiner suprised.

On the other hand, you only described the task partially. This only contained your opinion about the importance of impressive building although there are two matters which you had to review this writing. If this is commited in your next writing, you cannot get the score more than 5 for indicator of the task achievement. The question clearly mentioned that you have to discuss two opinions. Please, you pay attention to the task achievement.

I believe you can show the better progress if you wanna practice more and more. I suggest you should read more examples of the writing task 2 so that you can find the important point.

practice again and again.
I am looking forward to meeting your writing.

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