Please help me to correct my essay and GIVE ME SOME MARKS if you can ,thank you very much
Writing task 2 13/08/2016 (250 words in 40 minutes) with topic (actually I did it at home so I spent about over 60 mins @@):
More and more people do not ride the bicycle as a mode of transportation even though it has a lot of benefits. Causes and solutions.
Nowaday,there are so many kinds of modern transport in the social community.It is obvious that the citizen are using less bicycle than they used to do in the past.There are several reasons for this trend and important solutions for this case.
At first,the major cause is the more and more popular appearance of cars and motorbikes are taking place the role of cycling,one of the basic private vehicle.People are getting more interested in machine than using their own foots.The second idea for the reason,why bikes are disappear,is the danger in traffic.As can be seen that controling low speed vehicles in order to enter the busy roads,which completely full of fast transports,for instance,trucks and cars,is too dangerous for the user.If the accident happen,it will be very serious damage.
Nevertheless,it is not impossible to make the bicycle be more popular for the human again.Firstly,the government ought to create more necessary law to encourage the change in the people 's behaviors,particularly replacing the system using unrenewable source by renewable source one.Secondly,parents need to teach their children about protecting environment.Futhermore,children and youngster are the new generations of every countries and they need strong health to grow up so cycling is the most powerful habit.They also need to know how modern the other vehicles are,bikes still play a crucial role in life.
In conclusion,Although bicycles are being forgotten, it still is possible to encourage more people enjoy travelling by bike and make it more popular in the society.
Important - you must give more useful comments to avoid account suspension.
Hi, your writing is quite good, but please please make sure to put a space after every period and comma. This would make your essay so much easier to read. I am not an expert, but I would expect this to score about a band 5.5.
thank you very much for your support, It is really helpful to me ^^ . But can you or somebody tell me how score did i get in 4 criteria of IELTS and which is the biggest false to make my score go down seriously :
-task achievement
-coherence and cohesion
-lexical resource
-grammartical range and accuracy
Well, your Grammatical Range and Accuracy is your weakest area - the description for band 5 describes your essay closely. Lexical Resource is your next area of trouble. That looks somewhere between a 5 and 6. You don't have too many complex words and some of the words you have used are not the best choices. Task response is much better - I think your writing is closest to a band 7 in this category. Your position is clear although your examples and arguments could be a little more detailed. Coherence and Cohesion is also quite strong. Your essay is very well organized with good transitions and a logical structure. I don't really see any problems in this category, so maybe a band 8.
Hi hoangduc241096,
I have few notes for you.
* Nowadays {be careful with your spelling }....
* ... kinds of modern transport in the social community {you can use in society }
Good luck.
