Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

City life and country life - I will stay in the city, although both places are good to live.

hoangan 1 / -  
May 18, 2015   #1
Some people prefer living in a big city while others want to have a peaceful life in countryside. Each of these lifestyles has advantages and disadvantages..To begin with, city living has many conveniences because you have many choises of education, entertainment and health care . As you can see, there are variety of universities in urban area so you can study whatever you want. What is more, hospitals in city have many well-trained doctors with many modern equipments , therefore, you can be treated much better. In addition, big city has many places to spend free time such as theaters, game centers, coffee shop...etc.Besides, traffic in city develops dramatically. You can go anywhere easily without much money. On the other hand, city living has some disadvantages. It is quite dangerous when travelling on crowded road. Moreover,too much means of transportations and industrial factories cause environment pollutions that do harm to human beings. Contrary to city living, life in the countryside is peaceful and lower. The atmosphere is really fresh without noise and fumes like city. People there are quite different than people living in the city: they are relaxed, friendly and family-oriented. However, country living also has several drawbacks. People there don't have many job to do so they can't take advantages of their time. Futhermore, traffic in rural area is still poor-quality, hence, it is more difficult to move in the country than in the city. In summary, I want to say that both .city and country may be a good place to live But I will stay in the city
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
May 18, 2015   #2
I think you need to have indentations or a way for the reader to understand when you are trying to form paragraphs. The opening of the essay begins too quickly. You need to have at least two more sentences for an opening paragraph. Also, I don't know your position in the beginning. In the end of the essay, you state you will stay in the city. Here is an example, I made up to help you to see how giving more details will help you as you begin to give a contrast between city and country living:

Ex: City life there is a lot of traffic, more pollution, and differences in lifestyle. However, in the countryside there maybe fewer pollutants, more work in taking care of farms, etc.

Position statement: Do you prefer city life even if the countryside is enjoyable for some people? You need to state this as you did at the end of your paper.

Organization of the paper
I think you should structure your paper listing the advantages of city living in one paragraph, then the disadvantages of city living in another paragraph.

Then you should list advantages of living in the country in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another paragraph.

Additionally, you add many advantages to city living. Can you think of one sentence to add to the disadvantages to city living? Also, can you add one sentence to the advantages and disadvantages of living in the country?

Grammar changes
1)There are a few spelling errors such as choises instead of choices. Also Futhermore instead of Furthermore.
2)"There are a variety of universities in urban areas..."
3)hospital in cities
4)"...modern equipment; therefore... (I used a semicolon it seems as if you are linking two ideas together).
5)The next sentence you want to make city plural and avoid using ellipses after coffee shop. Replace this with a comma instead.
6)The sentence regarding traffic develops dramatically is confusing. Please explain.
7)"...travelling on a crowed road"
8)Delete -s from transportation.
9)What does it mean to be peaceful and lower? Peaceful is okay to express, but lower is confusing.
10) What do you mean when you state that people in the country can have more time? Please explain.
11)Please use a semicolon before hence. Also, you want to change the word in to "to". You are describing moving to the country and moving to a city.

There needs to be a summary, possibly two more sentences. You start this really well. Continue to work some more on a good summary.

Home / Writing Feedback / City life and country life - I will stay in the city, although both places are good to live.