Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

City - for the young / Rural - for the old? Living in small community or not?

AliminHamzah 6 / 9 4  
Oct 12, 2017   #1
In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else.
Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

city or rural area to live?

At the time mostly residents merely know a little people in their location. Contrary with human who live in the rural area especially in the past, they had good relation with their neighbor and knew many people over there. This writing will discuss about merits and demerits society who live in small area.

Many benefit we can get if we are living in the village such as Relax and Avoid from Stress. It means, if we are in the small town we can get good feel because over there has nice-air better than in the city and could help you to avoid stressful. As example, mostly citizen go to hutment in the weekend after they are getting stress because their activity in the city center. The impact, their mood will be good after spend the time over there. So that, decide to live in the small town is nice choice and good consider with several advantages we can get it.

On the other hand, living in the small area has disadvantage such as difficult to getting more information, as result the local experience lack of information. Taking example, in the my home town the name wonomulyo, still hard to get more information over there. The impact, the local is difficult to improve their life , and the government is hard to build well public facilities and remake the nice rule because they don't get new information about it from other place or other country. So, if you want to live in the rural area you have to consider it because stay there have benefit and demerit.

To sum up, this essay try to tell us about advantages and disadvantages to live in the village. I suggest you to think twice if you want to spend your time merely in the village. It mean you have try to live in the city when you are young and you can back and stay in the rural area when you have retirement, and you could enjoy with your remaining time.
ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Oct 12, 2017   #2
Hi Alimin,

You build an easy to follow essay and appropriate structure. I just found some grammar mistakes, such as:
- Many benefit(s) we can get if ... --> also relax, avoid, and stress doesn't need to capitalize the word.

- ... from other place or other country-->countries

- It means you haveto try to live ...
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,585 3757  
Oct 12, 2017   #3
Alimin, your prompt paraphrase is improper because you begin to discuss the essay in the opening paragraph. Since this paragraph is part of the TA portion of the essay, you cannot begin your discussion at this point. Instead, you should start the discussion in the second paragraph. The first paragraph should only explain to the examiner what you understood of the original prompt topic and the discussion type. So it should be:

Previous generations lived in small villages where everyone knew each other. Recently though, there has been an influx of people moving to larger cities where they do not know anybody. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small residential area will be discussed.

Please pay attention to your writing style. Do not capitalize words that do not need capitalization. For your reference, I mean "Relax and Avoid from Stress". Those are not proper nouns and are located in the middle of the sentence so these do not need to be capitalized. In the third paragraph, the second sentence is a run-on. You will need to learn how to use periods to separate your topic sentences. Never merge them because that will lower your GRA score.

In the conclusion, you made some suggestions that changed the discussion profile. Since your original prompt does not require a personal opinion, that presentation was unwarranted and will therefore, be cause for points deduction in your final score. You should have just continued to summarize the discussion as you started it with the first sentence.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Oct 12, 2017   #4
Hi Alimin, I would recommend you to use different vocabulary to convey your message. For example:

if we are in the small town we can get good feel -> Small town provided a sense of relaxation and peacefulness.....

Hope that helps.

Home / Writing Feedback / City - for the young / Rural - for the old? Living in small community or not?