Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


Civilized behavior is one of the most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral


AseaDai 4 / 10  
Mar 6, 2013   #1
Topic :Do you agree or disagree:
the world is busy and crowded, we should not expect people to be polite to others.


No one can deny the fact our society in the last 30 years has been caught up in a storm of change. People nowadays get used to fast-paced lifestyle which is dramatically differ from the past. Time is Money is a prevalent mottom of modern men. Nevertheless, it is certainly not the excuse that people have to behave rudely in their daily life. Instead, gracious attitude is alway appreciated and contributes to the moral sense of the whole society.

Firstly, gentlely behavior is good way to show repsect to eldership therefore is beneficial to the harmony of family. Chinese ancient stories are filled with examples of such case. A story about Kong Rong is probablely the most famous one. Kong Rong was born in Han Dynasty. One day, when he was four years old, his grandfather held a big party to celebrate his 60 years old birthday. Kong Rong's mother asked him to divide a pear, then give them to all the family members. Kong Rong then sperate a pear into various parts and send them to everyone. His mother found that he kept the smallest piece for himself. She asked him why. Kong Rong explained that just because he is the youngest one in family, the elders deserve the big one. The entire family is please with his generous.

Secondly, a courteous man will obviously make a good impression to others. One of my firend who applied for his Master program in a German university last year. There was another candidate from Spain. It seemed that they were at the same level if one just evaluated by their applied materials and score. One day, after an interview, the professor took a bus together with two candidates to a public library. It was just at the peak hour. The bus was crowded. On the way, an old man got on the bus and found difficult to stood firmly. My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to took his seat while the spainish boy just sticked to his place. One month later, my firend received the offer. Soon after, the professor sent him an email which mentioned about the little event in the bus.

To sum up, civilized behavior is one of the most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral, which is worthy to pass on generations to generations. It is so wonderful wisdom of our predecessor that we shall inherit forever.
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 6, 2013   #2
gentlely behavior is good way to show repsect

gentle behaviour is a good way to show respect.

held a big party to celebrate his 60 years old birthday.

held a big party to celebrate his 60th birthday.

Rong then sperate a pear into various parts and send them to everyone

Rong then divided the pear into many pieces and distributed them among all.

The entire family is please with his generous.

The entire family was pleased with his generosity.

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression to others

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression on others' mind.

One of my firend who applied for his Master program

One of my firend who applied for his Master program.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just evaluated by their applied materials and score.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just they were evaluated by their applied materials and score.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to took his seat while the spainish boy just sticked to his place.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to take his seat while the spainish boy just stuck to his place.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned about the little event in the bus.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned this event at the bus.

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese that are morally civilized.

It is so wonderful wisdom of our predecessor that we shall inherit forever.

it is such a wonderful wisdom..

good essay and expression.. loved the inspiration. :)
OP AseaDai 4 / 10  
Mar 6, 2013   #3
Thank you very much for detaild proofreading and modify
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 7, 2013   #4
I guess you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL.

Nevertheless, it is certainly not the excuse that people have to behave rudely in their daily life.

... I suggest you the word "indifferently" for this idea!

No one can deny the fact our society in the last 30 years has been caught up in a storm of change. People nowadays get used to fast-paced lifestyle which is dramatically differ from the past. Time is Money is a prevalent mottommotto of modern men. Nevertheless, it is certainly not the excuse that people have to behave rudely in their daily life. Instead, gracious attitude is alway appreciated and contributes to the moral sense of the whole society.

In your introduction, you come close to what your topic means but fails to introduce it in its right sense. In the introduction you need to introduce your topic to the reader and state your opinion on the argument. It is always better that you keep a proper alignment with your topic and convey your ideas more direct. :)

Firstly, gentlely behavior is good way to show repsect to eldership therefore is beneficial to the harmony of family.

... This is my suggestion;
First, being polite is a good thing for a society because it helps its people to live in peace and harmony by avoiding unnecessary clashes.
OP AseaDai 4 / 10  
Mar 8, 2013   #5
yes dumi, I am preparing for the Toefl test.
THank you so much for suggestions and proofreading.
I also think that the paragraph1 state little bit redundant, not very colse to the topic. Obviously, I need more practises and more help too!


Home / Writing Feedback / Civilized behavior is one of the most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳