Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Classes and libraries always deserves much more financial support - two key elements for the quality


AseaDai 4 / 10  
Mar 10, 2013   #1
Topic: Sports and social activities should get more financial support from University which is equal to classes and libraries

Recently,peolpe start to aruge that universities should spend more money on sprots and social activities as they usually do on classes and libraries. However, from my point of view, classes and libraries are so essensical parts of the universities that it deserves the prior in the financial support.

First of all, by improving the facilities of classes, both the quality of teaching and studing will increase. My university is a good example in this case. One professor who teaches Art History ever share with me his experience. 10 years ago, he usaually spared a whole day to prepare nearly 50 picture sliders in order to show just two pages content in a book. Now, since all the classes has been equipted with comupters and WIFI, he is able to spend more time to work on the content of class and think about how to show an image in different ways in order to help sutdent to understand it comprehensively. Students are also benefited from the great facilities. They now sit in a bright, clean classroom with internet available,water mashines,even stores. They can take note directly in their protable compputers and check all the relevant informations immediately on the internet, which lead to a high efficient study.

If university is a human body, library is often considered as heart of that body. It is easy to understand that one will do as much as he could to keep his heart fresh and vivid. The amount of books and collections of other matierlas of the library closely associate to the academic level of the college. No research program can be done without support of databases of the library. According to a survey conducted by China Social Academic Institution in 2009, 30 percent graduate students of Beijing are willing to apply for the PH.D program of Peking University just because the library of Peking University is considered to be one of the most bigggest Libraries in Asia which contains a great number of English books as well as the most advanced statistic searching system.

Well, admittly,students should practise sprots and social activities as possible as they can to keep health and enlarge their social circle.
However, it doesn't mean that the univeristy should distribute more money on that. Instead, university could encourage student to excercise more by organizing various compititions and ball games. Students are more likely to practise their communication skill by arranging differents kinds of study groups in the campus.

To sum up, classes and libraries always deserves much more financial support in university since they are two key elements for the quality and reputation of one university.
grena37 2 / 4 2  
Mar 10, 2013   #2
Recently, peoplehave started to argue that universities should spend more money on sports and social activities as they usually do on classes and libraries. (give an example of how people would favor sports and social activities than classes and libraries) However, classes and libraries are theessential part of universities that deserves priority in the financial support. (State your reasons why you believe this.)

First of all, by improving the facilities of classes, both the quality of teaching and studying will increase. My university is a good example in this case. A professor who taught Art History shared his experiences with me . Ten years ago, he usually spared a whole day to prepare nearly fifty picture sliders in order to show just two pages content in a book. Now, since all the classes has been equipped with computers and WIFI, he is able to spend more time to work on the content of class and think about how to show an image in different ways in order to help student to understand it comprehensively. Students are also benefited from the great facilities. They now sit in a bright, clean classroom with internet available, water machines , even stores. They can take notes directly on their portable computers and check all the relevant information immediately on the internet, which lead to a high efficient study. (With this paragraph the sentence structure is unclear. Rearranging words in the sentence is something you might consider doing. I think that your ideas are good but they aren't clear. They are just touching the surface of the problem. Be more clear with what you want to say.)

If a university was a human body, the library would be considered the heart of that body. It is easy to understand that we will do as much as we can to keep our heart fresh and vivid(maybe "Alive and well?") . The amount of books, collections andmaterials of the library is closely associate to the academic level of the college. No research program can be done without the support of databases of the library. According to a survey, conducted by China Social Academic Institution in 2009, thirty percent of graduate students in Beijing were willing to apply for the PH.D program of Peking University just because the library of Peking University is considered to be one of the biggestl ibraries in Asia.It contains a great number of English books as well as the most advanced statistic searching system. (This paragraph is very good structurally. It sounds like a totally different writer. Try making the previous paragraph along the same lines as this one. Great job!)

Admittedly , students should practice sports and social activities as much as possible so they can to stay healthy and enlarge their social circle. However, this does not mean that auniversity should distribute more money towards that area . Instead, universitiesshould encourage students to exercise more by organizing various competitions and ball games. Students are more likely to practice their communication skill by arranging different kinds of study groups in the campus. ( It seems like you are trying to find an alternative for the sports and social activities side of the argument but I would leave this paragraph out because it doesn't support your argument.)

To sum up, classes and libraries always deserves much more financial support in university since they are two key elements for the quality and reputation of one university. (This conclusion needs to be longer. Sum up all of your ideas here. It may be tedious but throughout your essay you explain so many different points. Its necessary to have a summary of your ideas at the end so the reader knows your key points.)

Good essay overall, I hope these changes are helpful to you. Keep working on this one and it can be an amazing essay!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 10, 2013   #3
However, from my point of view, classes and libraries are somoreessensicalessential responsibilitiesparts of the universities that itand they deservedeserves the priority in the financial support.

Your introduction follows the right structure, but you need to pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. Try to write short sentences because they help you avoid such errors.

My university is a good example infor this case.

.... you don't actually have to state this. Straight away tell how your uni does it...

all the classes has been equipted

all the classes have been equipped / every class has been equipped
It seems you follow the right essay structure.... but you need to pay lots of attention to grammar and spelling. grena37 has done great editing for you :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Classes and libraries always deserves much more financial support - two key elements for the quality
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳