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Classification of schooling subjects has always cast doubt on numerous educators

MindfulIELTS 2 / 2 3  
Jul 28, 2020   #1

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school

Classification of shooling subjects has always cast doubt on numerous educators, whether it is appropriate and effective. Not only do I hold that schools should have helped children skillfully touching life in many aspects but also looking as it is without limited perception from educational standpoints.

Firstly, youngsters have alarmingly suffered since society created unbalanced job opportunities. As can be seen easily from many educational systems, mental and physical dimensions are underestimated, such as sport, art, and music. And hence people are creating countless lawyers, doctors, and architects instead of monks or farmers. Paradoxically, prestigious jobs, politician as an example, has a much lower income than a footballer.

On the other hand, children will not suffer from real-life experience; and vice versa, they may be miserable with any so-called subject such as Maths or Physics. Ironically, they might gather a vast amount of information in those subjects without knowing how to apply it to their real life. For example, a physicist probably does not know how to have a proper physical movement, or a techie may not understand how his biological computer as a mind functions at its best possibility instead of mastering virtual reality. Moreover, the most fulfilled individuals like sellers, healers, architects, artists, and leaders in the world mostly get real education from life experience. Therefore, the correlation between subjects and life dimensions plays a significant role in assisting children to experience a full-fledged life.

In my perspective, if there were an educational revolution, educators should have transformed all the divisive subjects without discrimination and started to unify them with life both from inside to outside the children's minds.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Jul 28, 2020   #2
Your overall essay does not properly respond to the prompt requirement which is:

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum?

The point of the discussion is to have you defend whether it is right to remove certain classes in favor of more computer related subjects. You did not properly restate that in your introductory paragraph. Neither do you give an extent response as required by the discussion. It appears that you did not understand the prompt requirements and how to approach the discussion.

This is not a comparison essay, it is a single opinion essay but you approached it as a comparative discussion presentation, which means you are totally off in terms of response formatting and presentation. The essay does not meet the discussion requirements to pass the test. You also failed to properly summarize the discussion in your concluding paragraph. Your perspective should have been built into the previous discussion points, it cannot be used as a conclusion because the conclusion requires a summary of the given discussion.

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