Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8


Cleaning is the most important job in my city


Chaz 2 / 3  
Jan 10, 2013   #1
A clean up the city. B build more bicycle trails. C plant more trees. Explain why.

Its a SPEAKING test which I wrote a draft.

I will definitely go for the cleaning job.

First of all, cleanness matters a lot with people's health.If the hygiene of our living area is bad, we ll get some health problems. For example, if the air which we breath every moment is polluted, it will be much easier for us to be infected by the dusty air which will probably lead to serious illness. So we need to clean up the city to live a healthy life.

Secondly, a clean environment gives a good feeling of living. Nothing can be more unpleasant than dirt like stinky trash, smoky air and dusty cars.We have to clean up those dirt to live a better life.

That's why I would like to do the cleaning job.
riyak 6 / 13 1  
Jan 10, 2013   #2
You have made some good pints . Howver here are a few suggestions-

Its a SPEAKING test which I wrote a draft.

I will definitely go for the cleaning job.

First of all, cleanness matters a lot with [to] people's health.If the hygiene of our living area is bad, we ll [ use whole words. Will or we'll ] get some[ suffer instead of get some] health problems. For example, if the air which we breath every moment is polluted, it will be much easier[ "it will be much easier" is not very impactful, suggestion- we are more likely to] for us to be infected by the dusty air which will probably lead to serious illness. So we need to clean up the city to live a healthy life.

Secondly, a clean environment gives a good feeling of living. Nothing can be more unpleasant than dirt [ no need to use the word dirt as dusty cars strictly speaking is not dirt]like stinky trash, smoky air and dusty cars.We have to clean up those dirt to live a better life.[ A clean city helps us lead a bettr life]

That's why I would like to do the cleaning job.
abcdefgh 5 / 21 3  
Jan 12, 2013   #3
Hello chaz my name is nasrin . I live in Iran. Your opinion is very interesting. On three jobs that you mention, I like to plant excessive trees. Green place is very charming for me. The first reason is that green place is full of positive energy. These gives you the sense of living. I red a book on james red field . he had told the trees absorb negative energy and exude positive energy for this is that in the forest we feel freshness and power and happiness . Now you imagine you live in green city because of being energy , you always sleep deeply , wake up happily and come to an end your day whiteout exhausted. In winter and summer you observe a beautiful singe on behind of window.every morning you soak up a fresh air . the second reason is that the trees soak up co2 and exude o2 cause that air pollution become less.  
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 13, 2013   #4
cleanness matters a lot with people's health.

.... the right word is "cleanliness" and not "cleenness"
First of all, cleanliness matters a lot for peoples' health. .... Very good start :)

it will be much easier for us to be infected by the dusty air which will probably lead to serious illness.

...there are more chances for us to be infected by germs in the polluted air that may cause serious illnesses.

That's why I would like to do the cleaning job.

That's why I prefer a cleaning job than others.
I think this is pretty good for a speaking task. : )
abcdefgh 5 / 21 3  
Jan 18, 2013   #5
hello dumi i am appreciated to check my response to riak about cleanig is the most my job in my city. i like to know your oppinion about structre and grammer and suitable using of words
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 18, 2013   #6
. i like to know your oppinion about structre and grammer and suitable using of words

I understand you are preparing for a speaking task.
Generally this is the structure I used to follow;
Express my choice - I think cleaning up the city is the most important job.
Tell my first reason why I choose that option; The first reason why I think it is important is that cleanliness is the most important thing to keep good hygienic conditions.

Tell one example to support this reason; Suppose the garbage in the city is not collected properly. The whole city would be in a mess and people would soon fall sick.

If you have time, tell them a second reason
2nd reason; Also, if we dont keep our city clean, it would affect the local tourism very badly.
Example; because the tourist would be scared of touring in highly polluted cities.

:) that's the structure, I recommend for you too :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 19, 2013   #7
thank you so much

.... my pleasure :)
In case you don't know how to create your own thread this is how you do it;
Go to the "New Thread" feature on the top of this screen on to your right. Click it and there select the right forum (for this type of essays, it is the "writing feedback" . Then type your topic title in the "subject" bar. Then type your essay in the space for "message". Once you are done, click on "start new thread". Then it would appear as a fresh thread and we are ready to give you comments :D

Chaz - Sorry for using your thread to help another person, but we are here to help each other afterall :D
OP Chaz 2 / 3  
Jan 21, 2013   #8
Thank you.


Home / Writing Feedback / Cleaning is the most important job in my city
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳