CLEP Argumentative - Uncomfortable truths attack accepted wisdom

I am preparing for the College Composition Modular CLEP test. Part of that test is the requirement to generate an Argumentative Essay in 30 minutes given a vague topic statement. Based on some research and feedback I have chosen the GRE essay topics as a source for drills. Below is a topic sentence followed by the essay I wrote this evening. I've created an extemporaneous speech on a controversial topic before (Principles of Speech DSST) but this is the first time I can recall creating an essay like this. Frankly I was surprised I pulled it off, but I think I went about 10 minutes over my allowed time on this one. I've written much longer pieces than this, but never formally and always with far more than 30 minutes time.

I respectfully seek feedback on whether or not this is considered an acceptable essay for the CLEP exam. I am also open to any and all criticism. I'd rather bleed now than at the test. Thanks!

TOPIC: Important truths begin as outrageous, or at least uncomfortable, attacks upon the accepted wisdom of the time.

Throughout history reformers have struggled against the "perceived wisdom" of their current time, foreseeing a better and more just future for all humanity. From the corruption of the Church opposed by Martin Luther and the Protestants, to slavery and Jim Crow countered by abolitionists and Civil Rights leaders, "uncomfortable truths" are often required to overturn centuries of belief that oppress the many for the benefit of the few.

The Church of Rome dominated all spectrums of European life from the third century forward. Kingdoms rose and fell by their ability to curry favor with one or another power within the faith, and religious rhetoric was used to justify the Crusades to repel Muslim invasions of the European continent and to retake the Holy Land of Jerusalem and Palestine. The Church was able to maintain a dominant position during the Dark Ages and used its power as a firm hand guiding the people through difficult times. But power breeds corruption, and the Church was not immune. From the sale of indulgences to popes with mistresses and illegitimate children, the Church transformed itself from a spiritual guide in times of trouble to a political entity that sought to maximize its power over the people. Several attempts were made to rebel against the Church's authority; they usually ended at the stake. However, Martin Luther was able to stand against the Church's abuse and call out its hypocrisies, creating the Protestant Reformation that changed Europe forever. This reformation forced the Church to re-evaluate its position in the world. It realized it must change in order to earn the trust of those it guides. In this way the Church learned the truth that earthly desires can corrupt the spirit.

The idea that "all men are created equal" was a direct attack against the "divine right of kings" and the long-held view that the commoner lived a life in bondage to the Crown. But even this attack carried its own hypocrisy: Slavery. The existence of slavery in the United States was a hotly-contested topic as far back as the founding of our nation. The Founding Fathers debated the issue endlessly, with Northerners generally siding with the abolitionist argument and Southerners seeing this as a ploy to gut the South's political clout. Slavery was accepted by the South as the "natural condition" of Africans, a fate ordained by God and spelled out in the Bible. Opposing this barbarism, the Northern abolitionist fought endlessly to open the eyes of the American public to the horrors of one person owning another as chattel. To them it was inconceivable that The Land of The Free could also be The Home of The Slave, while to the Southerner it was sacrilege to defy the Will of God. This struggle eventually led to Southern secession and the Civil War which ended all discussion of the legality of slavery. But racism itself lived on, held fast in Southern culture through the imposition of Jim Crow laws designed to keep blacks as second-class citizens. It wasn't until the rise of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King that the nation as a whole began to clean up the last remnants of the Southern view of the "inherent superiority" of the white race. While the South initially resisted the dismantling of Jim Crow and forced integration, it eventually became very aware of its own misdeeds and began to change. Thus it learned the truth that racism is evil.

Thankfully, people are able to learn "uncomfortable truths," for without them we should remain in bloody and uncivilized ignorance.

Reviewing it, I would eliminate "Throughout history" (blech) and the overly-universal opening, and also the use of the two sub-topics in my thesis sentence. Instead I would just let the ending clause stand on its own.

I agree with you on the "throughout history" bit. Try to stray away from "all encompassing" sum ups of topics. This also works in regards to starting a paper. But overall good syntax and style. I'm not one for correcting grammar -I'm sure someone else can help you out with that.

Thank you for your feedback.

I feel like your first paragraph needs one more sentence. You build up a great sense of the way this phenomenon manifests when people "rock the boat" and challenge the status quo... but you need one more sentence at the end of that first paragraph to sum up the MESSAGE OF YOUR ESSAY.

Here is the message: "Thankfully, people are able to learn "uncomfortable truths," for without them we should remain in bloody and uncivilized ignorance." Move this to the end of the intro.

Revise these paragraph topic sentences so that they are worded in a way that supports the main argument/message of the essay:



The first sentence of each paragraph should be a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE. The topic of each paragraph is some idea that supports the main message of the essay.

So... just add definition by adding that thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph, and then revise the topic sentences to support that thesis statement.

Then, you'll need to add a conclusion paragraph...

:-)

Thanks for the feedback. I'll keep that in mind when I take the actual test.