I did this practice essay within the 30 min. time limit for the first College Composition essay of the Clep.
Individual Opportunity: Myth or Reality
Each individual in every moment of their lives exists in perpetual motion consisting of choices or opportunities. One could say that opportunity is merely a state of mind when facing these choices. Does this make an individuals' opportunity a myth?
Throughout history people have faced incredible choices that became great opportunities. As one studies the events surrounding a persons' historic opportunity, it may well come to light that the individuals' opportunity was a myth and depended completely on their perceptions. Take for instance Hitler, during WWII Hitler engaged in genocide among other "crimes to humanity". As an individual Hitler may well have believed that he was faced with a great opportunity to alter the world for what he believed was the better. Was this opportunity a myth or real? What happened to all of those people was most certainly real, but Hitler's' view that what he did was due to an opportunity is a myth. It may be generally accepted that his actions were twisted and horrible; the "opportunity" was simply his state of mind, his opinion of a choice.
As an individual I could say that I have faced many opportunities. But alas, if I had not been in the right state of mind at the time would I have even seen the opportunity? I am the mother of four children and I chose to go to college, was this really an opportunity or did I make a choice. Were the events that led to my decision real or a myth?
I believe that opportunity is a state of mind, a way of feeling about the choices one makes there for it is a myth, a belief more than anything else.
I already noticed there for should be therefore, the word well is not needed in the 2nd para. 2nd sent. The quotation marks around crimes to humanity may be unnecessary. The 3rd and 2nd sent. in the 3rd para. could be switched. I did not expand as much as I would have liked to in the conclusion. I also fear that I may have missed the mark a little on the actual topic. Any feedback is much appreciated:)
Wow ... your English is so beautiful!!! I only found few mistakes aside those you corrected yourself. :D What I would do however is I'd go through the essay again and try to trim it down. At the beginning especially you used "opportunity" and "individual" quite a lot. However, some people are ok with repetitions some are not. It's up to you honestly.
However, let me point one thing out. What about a situation where the circumstances are favorable for a certain individual, but are completely unrelated to his past actions. Is opportunity in this case still just a state of mind, a myth? Perhaps not. Maybe opportunity depends on whether one is able to notice it or not - or simply said if he or she is able to make a right choice. Maybe opportunity is just obvious to some. Maybe it chooses to be mere luck, maybe it's just a way to describe optimism. But a rational human being will not base opportunity just on hope or dreams. Just a thought. :)
Each individual in every moment of their liveshis/her life exists -- you are referring to "each individual" (singular).
Hitler's' view -- you don't need the second apostrophe.
But , alas, -- interjections must be delimited by two commas when they are in the middle of a sentence.
Good luck! :D
Thank you! As you mentioned improvements I was able to see right away what you meant. And I thank you for your complement as well, though any one who knows me also knows that I am quite absentminded when it comes to writing and rhetoric. Just another one of those things that is in the eye of the beholder I suppose. I hope I can return the favor and be as much help to another,thank you again!
