Can you please tell me the approximate score I can get on this? Please do tell my mistakes as well.
Topic is---Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places."
My essay---
Law in any country governs the activity in that country. Law includesa are the rules which the citizen of that country must follow and the consequences of not following these rules. So if the rule will not be rigid, the countryman will violet the laws more frequently and affecting other people in the country. Country will soon be converted into a jungle where nobody follows rules and everything is messed up. But there can be flexibility in terms of the consequences of breaking that law considering the circumstances, time, place and all. This will be helpful in reforming human beings because punishments may turn person rebellion. If we will give the offender chance to reform there are some possibility that we will get some more good humans.
Laws regarding the rules to be followed are very essential for effective working of the country. If there won't be any rule for example no traffic rules, there will be casualties more often and more rush-ups at hospitals. Not only the rules are necessary but also the effective implementation of it because if there are thousands of rule book for any country but nobody follows it, then it makes no sense. For implementation of that rule not only the authority are required which will monitor the rights and wrongs but some punishments are also required. For example, if one has murdered a common man or rob a bank and if we will not punish him then the person will do it again.
But it is also necessary to look into the circumstances and the situation in which someone has committed the crime. There are sometime self defense crime or sometime under pressure or unintentional crimes can also happen. In this way if these situation are not taken into account can be hazardous for an innocent person. It's written in all law books that 5 criminals live are better than one innocent dead. We cannot punish any innocent person. This flexibility can be advantageous to law offender sometime. They can use these flexibilities as their weapon and try to prove themselves innocent. So we can say situation is very critical as flexibility can be good or can be bad. Then what should we do?
To conclude law must be rigid and fixed for all but there has to be some flexibility considering the time, situation and place because innocent person should not suffer for any reason.
Thanks in advance.
I can't tell you your score, but I can point out some errors and make some suggestions for the first paragraph:
Laws includesa are the rules
the countryman will violet -- I think you mean violate
and affecting other people in the country
The country will be...
messed up -- too informal
Nonetheless, there should be flexibility in terms of the consequences of breaking the law, depending on the circumstances, time, place and other considerations.
punishments may turn person rebellion -- I think you mean "may make a person rebellious
If we will give the offender a chance to reform, there is a possibility that people will improve .
Having made those specific suggestions, let me step back and be more useful by pointing out the patterns of error to which you might most productively attend.
I notice that you often omit the commas that set clauses apart from the rest of the sentence. Try reading your words aloud, remembering that commas stand for pauses. "To conclude law must be rigid and fixed" doesn't sound right. "To conclude, law must be rigid and fixed" does -- because the comma tells you to pause.
I also notice that you sometimes get tangled up in long sentences -- that's where your punctuation and phrasing start to go astray. For example: "Not only the rules are necessary but also the effective implementation of it because if there are thousands of rule book for any country but nobody follows it, then it makes no sense."
You will have an easier time saying what you mean here without error if you will express the ideas crowded into this sentence into a couple of sentences, as follows: "Rules are necessary but also must be enforced. If nobody follows the rules, they are useless."
So, my overall advice to you is (a) watch out for commas, and (b) use shorter and simpler sentences so that you won't need so many commas!
I know that this forces you to think and write much more simply than you would in your first language. You want to express complex thoughts more complexly. But, for purposes of passing the test, it's best to keep it simple. And, it's excellent practice in logic to break one's thoughts down into their simplest components.
Simone has already given you comprehensive grammatical advice, so I'll just chime in with a suggestion concerning content. You should prefer the specific to the general in most of your essays. In this case, you talk a lot about law in general, and only briefly touch on specific example, such as murder and bank robbery. Probably, though, you would be better off reversing this. So, you might look at say, murder, and how the law breaks into first and second degree types, with varying degrees of manslaughter as well. Then, you could look at what having so many categories for what is essentially the crime accomplishes. Then, you could use that to make a general point about the usefulness of having flexible laws. Keeping the focus on the specific as much as possible will make your essays much more interesting to read.
Your essay is very general and need specefic examples.
Your grammer still need improvement. so I think to improve these qualities you should write more.
Thanks and all the best
