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CLEP Practice Essay - effect of computers on work now versus 100 years ago


abryant 1 / 1  
May 5, 2009   #1
Can you please provide some feedback on this essay? This was my first timed exercise (45 minutes) and I struggled to finish proofing. I think it's a little long but that's why I need the practice. I look forward to your comments--the posts here have been very helpful.

The topic was "How computers have affected the way we work today vs 100 years ago."

In the last 100 years, computers have greatly affected the way we work. Administrative assistants, entrepreneurs, and creative cooks all rely on computers for the ability to produce information, direct work flow, and provide inspiration. All of these, and many more, have been affected by the development and advancement of the computer. Consider just a few of the changes that have revolutionized the way we work today.

In the early 1900's, clerical work was done using paper and pencil. Accounting was generally performed in a ledger, letters were hand-written on stationary and invoices were totaled while a customer purchased material. The workplace of today has computers which perform these functions accurately and easily. Accounting software balances our bank accounts, suggests investment strategies and prepares complex reports. Cash registers track sales volume compute change amounts and generate receipts. Terminology has also changed with the technology. Missives scratched with a fountain pen on decorative parchment have been replaced with a word processor and printer combination. Spelling corrections, grammar improvements and seemingly endless choices for size, color and typeface now are the biggest challenge to the letter writer. These improvements are quite drastic at the personal level but our advancement in technology has also changed the way we conduct commerce.

The advancement of telecommunications software, hardware and faster processing power have increased the scope of sales from local residents who knew the hardware store owner by name, to a wide variety of virtual storefronts that are now accessible by everyone. Retail outlets 100 years ago were limited to a small number of stock items. Today, the young woman who fancies a turquoise necklace in a unique setting can probably find exactly what she is looking for using her computer. Interactive auctions and the ability to shop for identical items and compare prices have fundamentally changed our buying habits. Consequently, this plethora of options for commerce has created a need for a new set of workplace skills.

By far the biggest change in the way we work today is the requirement for continuing education as technology marches forward. 100 years ago, a young accountant apprentice learned the fundamentals of credits, debits and ledger postings. As he mastered his craft, he developed skills that he would use for the remainder of his career-most without any changes. Today's workforce has a need for continuing education to manage the steady stream of new capabilities, new tools to capitalize on those opportunities and new advancements in processing power that open a new set of potential developments. Truly, today's young apprentice can count on a learning new skills throughout his career.

Changes in the way we work have been significant. The young blacksmith from 1905 would be flabbergasted at the engineer using a computer to design, create and manage the production of a whole new line of horseshoes. We have come a long way indeed.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
May 5, 2009   #2
In your first paragraph, you might want to look more at what effect these changes in technology have had on the workers who use them. Likewise, in your second paragraph you mention

a new set of workplace skills.

You should probably elaborate on this, and describe the skills needed to today versus the ones needed in the past, and explain the role of computers in facilitating this change.

Apart from that, you have a solidly written essay, especially given the time constraints you were under when you wrote it.
Notoman 20 / 419  
May 5, 2009   #3
VERY well written. You use some interesting words that give it just the right combination of spice and readability. Your sentences have varied cadence, length, and beginnings. Your grammar is just about perfect as well. I did notice just a couple of issues with commas . . .

produce information, direct work flow, and provide inspiration. You don't usually use that last serial comma. The comma here isn't wrong, but the use of the serial comma should be consistent throughout the essay.

Cash registers track sales volume, compute change amounts and generate receipts.

These improvements are quite drastic at the personal level, but our advancement in technology has also changed the way we conduct commerce. Technically, you could do without this comma because the two parts of the sentence have equal weight, but I think that it is a helpful pause to the reader.

You did this as a 45-minute TIMED essay?? I am impressed.
OP abryant 1 / 1  
May 6, 2009   #4
Thanks so much. My intro was much longer in draft with a better hook and a more specific example (closer to the blacksmith in the conclusion) but I had so little time left to edit that I had to try and run with short and sweet.

The time limit (45 minutes) seems insane but I imagine is a good measure of your abilities. The hardest part was to try and find a topic that I haven't seen that I could pick up and run with on a moment's notice. I'll try another example this week (my test is next Tuesday). Hopefully, I can budget time better to allow for a good edit.

This is a FANTASTIC forum and is exactly the kind of feedback that I needed.


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