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Climate change: human's role and effects - exploratory essay

khoado 1 / 1  
Oct 19, 2016   #1
This is my first essay of my ESL writing class.
1/ Pick one topic that you really interested in.
2/ Find 5 sources based on your topic that you chose
3/ Write an 5 paragraphs essay about your topic.
I pick Global warming and this is my essay, my professor said this is too general, and too much information, so I need to narrow it down, but I don't know how. Thank for all your help.

Climate change: human's role and effects

Humans have been going through many natural disasters and the world map will be redrawn if the sea level keeps rising up in the next 100 years. People nowadays have been suffering the obvious change of the earth's surface temperature, hence that our lives and our children will be affected psychologically, physically, and emotionally. Today, as reported by Department of Ecology (DoE), climate change is a combination of standards of temperature, humidity, wind and weather. These climate patterns, moreover, play a crucial role in forming natural ecosystems, the human economies and cultures. Across the world, many nations and famous politicians have endeavored to solve and convince the world to take immediate action. For example, in 1992, the Kyoto Protocol was created with one purpose: to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and many countries have signed up. Moreover, in 2006, "An Inconvenient Truth" sent a message from the former presidential candidate Al Gore to the world that global warming is a moral issue and calls for immediate action. However, there are still many outliers such as the US, Taiwan and Afghanistan that have been belittling this global issue and blaming the problem on natural causes. However, human activities are a culprit of climate change and the effects of climate change are unimaginable.

Firstly, as stated in US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), human activities are the main reason to explain recent changes of climate (Overview of Climate Change Science). Most of the significant warming from the past half century has been caused by destroying the atmosphere and the earth's surface, and generating massive greenhouse gas emissions. Our atmosphere acts like the gate connected between the sun and the earth; this gate filters and controls the amount of heat wave energy in and out. Nevertheless, we have increased the thickness of the atmosphere, and it traps heat radiating from Earth toward space and thus, the global warming occurs. From 19th Century, the Industrial Revolution has witnessed a remarkable of greenhouse gas emissions dispersed into atmosphere through heavy industrial activities. Thousands of jobs were created at this time which attracted many people moved from rural areas. This migration led to the needs of more houses and factories. Therefore, all natural resources have been taking for granted by human activities such as deforestation, mining, farming and construction until now. Moreover, fossil fuels such as coal, oil, and natural gases have been used extensively to run giant industrial machines, generate electric for factories, households. As a result, a large- scale of greenhouse gases have been releasing from the past half of century. In additionally, CFCs- a name of a chemical which is invented in lately 19th, mainly used in industrial air conditioners or refrigerator- are ozone destroyer. Ozone is one of the atmosphere's layers and plays a significant role like a sunscreen; it protects all living creatures on earth from the incoming ultraviolet radiation of the sun. The CFCs were used heavily and depleted our ozone layer, and until there were many holes in ozone layer which was realized by scientists, CFCs had been banned by Montreal Protocol - an agreement was established and signed by many countries. (Shivashamugam, P. Basics of Environmental Science and Engineering. New India, 2007, p169). With unstoppable of population growth and industrial revolution, human activities have been squeezing environment by exploiting all rainforests in the world, regardless of the fact that these rainforests are perfect shields to stand against climate change. For example, according to the National Geographic, the Amazon rainforest, which is the largest green lung of Mother Earth, covering about 2.7 million square miles, has been threatened aggressively by human activities. In last 40 year, Amazon rainforest lost more than 20% of its area- roughly the same as 9 million football fields, this deforested area could consume more than 440 million tons of carbon dioxide. As mentioned by Al Gore, we are now living with consequences and we haven't yet realize what price our future generations have to pay (Gore, Al, Dir. Davis Guggenheim.Perf. An Inconvenient Truth. Paramount, 2006)

Secondly, human activities have had a great impact on the Earth and lead to severe consequences. Two of these consequences are the sea level rise and human health. First, temperature rising has been melting the glaciers and polar ice caps, and ice melt is the main driver of global sea level rise. For example, Greenland with 81% of surface covered by ice is melting with catastrophic speed every year. Scientists predict that if haft area of Greenland is broken up and melted, the oceans will inevitably rise enough to sink many cities of the US and nations. Furthermore, warmer oceans and sea level rise will make storms and typhoons more intense. In 2005, hurricane season set records about number and power. One of them is Katrina which is the largest and the most powerful in US history. It took more than 1,800 lives and costed more than $100 billion in damages. In addition, sea rise level is threatening coastal populations in the world, with 0.13 inches risen every year of sea level, it puts 44% of the world's population in danger. Second, climate change has seriously affected human health. Many nations in the world, especially in Africa, do not have enough clean water for daily use because human activities have intervened deeply on ground water and surface water. According to the "An Inconvenient Truth", there have had more than 30 new diseases developed as old ones re-emerged in last 25 years such as Ebola, SARS or Avian flu, and nowadays, we have been suffering from Ebola, bird flu, and Zika.

As a conclusion, human activities have been challenging our mother earth in last 50 years, and it will bring severe consequences that our environment, health and biodiversities will be affected seriously. Moreover, if we do not take immediate action, many nations such as Japan and coastal populations across the world will be put in danger due to sea rise level. So instead of finding new places somewhere outside the Earth, we can together protect and give our generations a better place by finding alternative fuel, stop cutting trees, saving natural resources.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,656 2035  
Oct 20, 2016   #2
Khoa, your instructor is trying to teach you how to do research. That is why he asked you to choose a topic that you would be interested in writing. Now, I can see that you chose the topic Climate Change for your paper. That is a highly interesting topic indeed. But he is right, it is too broad. You see, there are sub-topics under Climate change that you should have chosen from in order to concentrate on one particular issue related to climate change. An example of the sub-topics you could have chosen from include the greenhouse effect and the melting polar ice caps. In order to create a truly informative exploratory essay, you should have narrowed down your topic of research. Trying to report on Climate Change in general is a disservice to those reading your essay.

Do a research on Climate Change and its related topics for discussion. From that list, you can opt for one topic to discuss in your revised essay. Developing a singular, but related topic to Climate Change will allow you to better find your 5 sources and present a better discussion of the topic from all available points of view. I believe that this will be the best way to narrow down your topic for research as your instructor has requested you to do.
OP khoado 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
I really appreciate your help, but I don't know what are flaws in my essay?
+my thesis is : human activities are a culprit of climate change and the effectsof climate change are unimaginable.
+then my first body paragraph focuses on explaining why human activities are a culprit with examples.
+second body paragraph is focuses on the consequences which is effects of climate change with examples again
+last paragraph is my restatement
Could you help me understand what makes my essay is not well developed.
Thank you very much.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,656 2035  
Oct 22, 2016   #4
Your thesis is too broad in the sense that you are talking about human activities in general. That makes it difficult to discuss your statement of the activity being unimaginable in terms of its effect on climate change. What you have to do is narrow down the human activity in order to zero in one a particular climate change result. An example of a narrowed down thesis for this would be:

Man produces over a million tons of unsegregated garbage per day. This unsegregated garbage fills up landfills with non-biodegradable materials. These materials have been known to have a direct effect on our climate change. One of its major effects being greenhouse gases. Over the course of the next 10 years, the human act of non-segregation of trash will result in a faster erosion of our ozone layer.

The next paragraph can cover this sample discussion:
Non- segregation of trash causes the permeation of hazardous gases in our atmosphere which adds to the toxins that are destroying our ozone layer. At a rate of...

The third paragraph covers:
Basing the erosion of the ozone layer at a rate of 10 percent every year, the mere act of trash non-segregation will result in the following dire effects for our planet...

Then you can conclude your statement in the manner you were taught by your instructor. At this point, it is the narrowing down of the discussion that is important. I have tried to provide you with examples that can guide you in doing that.

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