Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

IELTS: CLIMATE CHANGE ISSUE - Not enough political action!

jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #1
Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action of control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree or disagree?

I agree that the government has not taken an active role in prioritizing the welfare of the environment particularly the climate. Although there are several concerned individuals and organizations who have petitioned for an urgent action, politicians have not focused their attention to the environment. Most of the bills and policies created have emphasis on social and economic issues; and only a number of environment -related regulations are passed and approved in the upper court.

Furthermore, government officials themselves are not strict in the implementation of the laws. They have become lax in carrying out their responsibility to apprehend violators. Take the streets of Metro Manila for an example, a number of cars are emitting thick smokes from the mufflers and yet traffic officers do not pull them over for smoke belching when clearly there is an existing legislation that prohibits the use of such defective cars because of its known harm to the environment.

Moreover, the sanctions for breaking the laws are not tantamount to the degree of damage done to the planet. Fines and penalties are low. I believe equitable punishments should be imposed to prevent the repetition of the same violations. In some communities, the local council prohibits the incineration of wastes. Violators are only fined P1000 with detention.

In addition, corruption may have also taken a part in the failed attempt to penalize those who break the laws. Industrial factories that emit a dangerous amount of toxic fumes and gases are still operational. They should be closed down unless negotiations outside the perimeters of the law were already made. These companies are big and stopping their businesses will only lead to loosing more money. One cannot think of the possibility that a big sum of money may have been involved to keep these factories open.

Therefore, it is my belief that the government has not exerted all their efforts in caring for the climate. There may have been laws enacted to help save nature, but compliance and punishment for violations are unsatisfactory.
OP jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #2
can any one critique this essay for the ielts? :)
bobinv 5 / 14 3  
Aug 9, 2013   #3
I agree that the government has not taken an active role in prioritizing the welfare of the environment particularly the climate

I think the first sentence of the essay should be a general statement.. something like ..One question that has raised a great deal of controversy is the uninvolvement of government in improvement of our living environment.

Furthermore, government

Since the 2nd paragraph should start with ur first reason for your argument.. i would suggest starting like this.. Firstly, government...

I couldnt find anything else wrong with your essay.

All the best mate
OP jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #4
Thanks. So i don't have to necessarily have to put the "i agree..." statement on the first paragraph?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 9, 2013   #5
Okkkkk.... it's not the best way to start your essay. You need a good hook that grabs readers attention and keeps him with you throughout your essay. :)

Try this structure for your intro;
Have these three parts in your introduction;
OP jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #6
Alright, thanks for the tip.:)
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Aug 12, 2013   #7
Hai ...

You have good points..

I do agree with bibin's advice and Dumi's guidence.

I feel it is better to write the second body para as 1st body para, coz, it is bit stronger.

Try to connect the points to the question.
Everybody knows that corruption is running every where.... Connect it to the question...).

Politicians rise money for their personal needs by keeping a blind on the big factories which polute environment after receving a hunge amount of bribe.

All the best..
OP jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 12, 2013   #8
I'll put that mind. Thanks.

Reasons #2, 3 and 4 follows reason #1, which is the creation of the law. Implementation and sanctions are based from the laws made. But i guess the important thing is presenting the strongest argument first, so i'll put reason #2 first.

I did not want to generalized that corruption was happening, so i just stated a possibility. :)

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: CLIMATE CHANGE ISSUE - Not enough political action!