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We don't have a close relationship with neighbors nowadays. Why and how can we improve this contact?


S0341039 1 / -  
Jun 3, 2018   #1

our neighbor today: a Stranger, an Acquaintance or a Friend?



Today the composition of modern community is far more different than it is in the past, the lifestyles and pace of society also impact intimated relationship among neighbor in the past. Is it possible and valuable that this close bond in society be recovered today?

In previous period of time, neighbors formed their community based on the same religion, race or related blood origin. Those foundation tie one another together tightly and closely. As advanced technology and the Internet develop, people get easily to move into one region from different backgrounds and hometowns without common grounds. The difference among one another arises distance and unfamiliarity in the community. Furthermore, most people are busy in handling their daily chores in today's hustling and busy society, the working hours are far longer than previous and make their leisure time shortened and precious. It is common for exhausted people to spend their personal time through scrolling and watching on their technological gadgets. Those factors isolate people 's relationship with their neighbors, which results in more isolation and misunderstanding among one another.

However, if the association of community manage its role in promoting interactions among neighbors, the benefits of intimated social networks in modern society can prevent today's society from conflicts and isolation. The association of community can hold some activities around its living areas to create more chances of connection among one another. Take celebration in some specific holidays for instance, holding a night party of performing and gift exchanging in a traditional festival within neighborhood can draw people's interest to join and be familiar with one another. When people start to know their neighbors much more and meet together more frequently, the misconceptions and related conflicts are possible to be eliminated which are the key to inclusive and peaceful society in our nation.

In conclusion, I think that the close and friendly connection in community decides one's mental health in life and establish the safer networks in our future society. Therefore, we should pay more concern about retrieve the intimated relationship among neighbors occurring in the past.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784  
Jun 4, 2018   #2
S0341039 , this is a direct question essay. Therefore, you cannot close the thesis statement paragraph with a question. You need to close it with a direct response to the question. Additionally, you also need to provide a linking sentence at the end of the thesis statement in order to introduce the next paragraph topic. I noticed that your essay is weak with regards to the use of linking devices in the essay. All of your paragraphs lack an interconnection that would help the reader understand the connection or relevance of the preceding discussion with the present discussion. Since this is a direct question essay, you must make sure that all of your response interconnect in your presentation for clarity and coherence purposes. Speaking of paragraphs, you also made a few errors in your paragraph presentation.

You must remember that the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph is also being implemented in this type of essay. You often write more than 5 sentences, have more than 1 idea presented for the discussion, and there is no topic sentence to clue in the reader as to what the paragraph will be about at the start of it. Remember, the linking sentence and the topic sentence need to support each other in order to provide clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion. I believe that if you can improve your linking device use, you will be able to present better direct essay discussions. Don't forget, a direct question essay still needs to follow the 5 paragraph format in order to create a better scoring potential for you in the GRA section. The more you can write a mix of simple and complex sentences within 5 paragraphs, the better your score will be. Lexically speaking, you know enough English words to get your thoughts across. Though it is not fluently written in English, you can be considered an intermediate learner at this point.

By the way, the concluding paragraph you wrote needs to be more inclusive of the previous information in a summary form in order to be considered a proper closing statement. You did not really utilize the summarized information in this instance so it feels like the ending was rushed and lacking in presentation.


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