EF_Sean^All of that is quite true.
thank you for helping with my essay. i am an A/Level student. my assignment was to write any short-story that we felt could grab the attention of the reader and give them some good messages which would make them think critically. so i thought of writing a spiritual one which is highly related to religious ideas and i wanted to make sure that everybody could understand it. that is the reason why i used the word "Lords" here and didn't mention anything about any particular religion. do you think i have been able to make the reader think critically after reading my story?
^K I finished my A-Levels just recently. Is this for English Lit or Lang? (It does not really matter, I just wanted to know. Strange how you guys got assignments to be completed during the summer...)
-I do not get what you mean by thinking critically. Please expand on this, because our definitions may be different.
-You used the word 'Lords', and 'did not mention any religion'. Well, by saying 'Lords', you kind of are. Abrahamic religions believe that there is only one Lord. So if you were trying to connect readers with the deity in this essay, you would not necessarily be connecting all of your readers. Also, you describe the physical appearance of the Lords. In Abrahamic religions as well, God has not been described physically, which therefore strengthens the disconnect between your readers and this essay.
i wanted to make sure that everybody could understand it.
^I do not see how everyone can understand it. Sean addresses the exact reasons why. How did your protaganist even get to meet the Lords. Was it through imagination, unconsciousness etc...
do you think i have been able to make the reader think critically after reading my story?
^Well, I am criticizing your essay. I doubt this is what you had in mind though :)
EF_Sean,
thank you very much. well, i know the essay must sound like incomplete but i just wanted to write only about the begining of her journey of spirituality. i didn't want to relate anything else(eg:her life style) that would make the reader wonder about those rather than the messages i am trying to give. do you think it is good to write this story the way i have written or should the story be more explained with other facts?
^Well, at least give your readers some insight as to where the protagonist was when it saw these lords. Was it in a monestary or a temple of some kind? Or like I asked earlier, was it in the state of mind?
Your conclusion in the essay could agree with the latter.
*The essay does need more facts.
This is all that there is:
-The Lords are there.
-They talk to the protagonist
-The protagonist talks back
-The protagonist learns something
-The protagonist wakes up and has a new approach to life
-It should be made clear, why the protagonist talked to the Lords, how the protagonist was able to seek a confrontation with the Lords, when did this happen and where did it happen. Then readers will be given a clearer picture about your essay.