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(IELTS TASK 2) closing offices to save energy


fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 19, 2014   #1
Some companies are closing their offices one day per week to save energy (gas, electricity). What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

These days, energy resources such as gas and electricity are the most useful power for most of parts in our life, especially industries. Here in Indonesia, governments suggest to some big companies who have many factories that need much energy for their producing activities to reduce the level of using electric and gas energy. What are the positive and negative effects of this?

To begin with, several companies' owners have many opinions with the suggestion from the governments. One of the owners said that the reducing of electricity using in their company will affect the number of their products. This will fall their production in a high level, even only one day they stop the using of energy. They cannot continue their industrial activities without electric and gas. As a result, this will affects to the employers as well. There will be more unemployment because some employers only work for several special days. In another cases, the employers' children are felt the impact also. They will be more difficult to get some necessaries such as book, pencil, and the other education tools. Could you think of any other effects?

The answer is absolutely 'yes'. The reducing of energy using by several big firms will give more power to the houses and some small industries to feel the using of energy as same as factories. When they get the same amount of energy as factories, they could improve their production. This will help the government to develop small industrial houses. As a result, the income of all class industries will increase significantly. Also, this will decrease the responsibility of government to develop small businesses.

In my view, those actions have many effects whether good or bad for all sides. For governments, it helps them a lot for balancing the using of power resources between small and big industries. However, for societies, it gives them more benefits, especially for people who have small business that need energies such as electricity and gas.

To put them in a nutshell, all sides of country will be affected by the reducing of electricity using. As a good society, we should use the energy power for essential necessary only. As a result, the using of electricity will be more maximal and will give many benefits for everything around us.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jan 19, 2014   #2
As a result, this will affects to the employers

it should be : As a result, this will affect to the employers
(modal + verb infinitive)

My suggestion, rise your case to depict the advantage
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 19, 2014   #3
These days, energy resources such as gas and electricity are the most useful power for most of parts in our life, especially industries.

.... Well, for me this sentence is not so interesting. Gas and electricity are the main sources of power available for us and I don't understand why you said they are useful :(

Here in Indonesia, governments suggest to some big companies who have many factories that need much energy for their producing activities to reduce the level of using electric and gas energy.

You should not narrow down the scope of your title by referring to a condition in Indonesia. Your title is a general one that applies to every company in the world and you should introduce the topic to the reader in the introduction without changing its original sense.
OP fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 20, 2014   #4
for tiaDS :

thanks a lot for your correction, I'll correct my next essay more carefully

for dumi :

many thanks for the correction,,you right, I should pay more attention with the topic and when I compose my sentences. I will use your suggestion to make it better
SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Jan 21, 2014   #5
One of the owners said that the reducing of electricity using in their company

- One of the owners said that the reduction of electricity usage in their company

This will fall their production in a high level, even only one day they stop the using of energy.

- To shutdown their company for a day, in-order to reduce the energy usage might impact the production on a higher level.

As a result, this will affects to the employers as well

employees - I guess you have confused between employers and employees
OP fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 21, 2014   #6
SreeSam

thank you very much for the advice
I will pay more attention when I construct my sentences in my next essays
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 21, 2014   #7
companies' owners

company owners

To begin with, several companies' owners have many opinions with the suggestion from the governments.

This is a poor beginning for a body paragraph. You should open your body para with the reason that justifies your opinion about the issue . Then support the reason with a specific example. Those are must feature in your IELTS TASK 2 essay that would earn you a good score.

In my view, those actions have many effects whether good or bad for all sides

You should have stated this opinion in the introduction itself.


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