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Coffee and banana sales - IELTS Cambridge 10 test 2 task 1 by Amy

amy_nyk 2 / 2  
Mar 23, 2020   #1

the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas

The table depicts the data about Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas' sales in 1994 and 2004 in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden.

Overall, the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas are increased in most of European countries in general, especially the sales of coffee. However, Sweden and Denmark's sale of bananas are declined.

Firstly, the data of Fairtrade labelled coffee all are rose. UK's sales are significant skyrocketed, which 1.5 million of euros in 1999 to 20 million of euros in 2004. Then, Switzerland also are increased, which is 3 million to 6 million. Finally, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden are slightly increased, especially Sweden, Denmark, according to the table. However, Denmark is the highest in 1999, which is 1.8 million of euros.

Secondly, Fairtrade-labelled bananas sales are increased in general, Switzerland is the highest sales of five European countries, no matter when in 1999 or 2004. 15 million of euros in 1999 to 47 million of euros in 2004. Other countries' sales are not over 10 million, especially UK and Belgium. However, the sales of Sweden and Denmark decreased, especially Denmark, which is 2 million of euros in 1999 to 0.9 million of euros in 2004.

Please feel free to comment and if so, you can give me a band score. Thx!

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,175 2312  
Mar 23, 2020   #2
Well, the good news is that you could probably achieve a 4.5 band score for this essay. The main problem with your presentation is that you are focused on simply delivering the information without the proper formatting of the sentences. There isn't enough of a mix of simple and complex sentences in your presentation for the GRA to propel your score to the 5 band. Your sentences are mostly run-on sentences which make it difficult for the reader to keep track of the information. Please remember that separate sentences with connected information will result in clearer presentations and better C&C scores. Long sentences composed of several information chains tend to create a difficulty for the reader when it comes to keeping track of the discussion.

Since the items are separated in the chart, you should not be counting out the information per paragraph. Simply state the comparison points and differences in 2 separate paragraphs. Since you have 5 sentences per paragraph, each paragraph should be composed of:

- Coffee information
- explanation
- transition sentence to banana
- comparison point or related information
- transition to the next paragraph information

Such a presentation should help you achieve a 5 band score in the future.
vuthuylinh2611 9 / 31 10  
Mar 23, 2020   #3
I think you should work harder on grammar and sentence structure starting from basic things like verb tenses. You made a lot of grammatical mistake like are increased; are declined. Yoi should use active coicr here as increase and decrease are used as intransitive verb. You should also revise all the verb tenses used. The time periods is in the past so you had better use past simple tense
thuthao121 - / 1  
Mar 23, 2020   #4
i think you should check your grammar carefully.Besides, you need to have the comparison between figures to gain the higher score.

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