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TOEFL "a coin has two sides" Young people enjoy life more than older people do.


ramshah 11 / 27 5  
Mar 15, 2014   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people enjoy life more than older people do.

In today's world both life problems and possibilities for enjoying life are increasing at the same time. Taking into account these two factors, when it comes to the issue of enjoying life, some people believe that young people enjoy life more than older people do. However, some others don't think so. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I personally believe that the statement that young people enjoy life more than old people do is not always true and give reasons and examples.

One reason for choosing my opinion is that in today's hectic life young people like others are facing more problems and challenges in their lives. There are many major problems to take into consideration such as poverty, unemployment, overpopulation, economic recession and so on in the world and these issues are growing day by day. When young people encounter these challenges in the forms of difficulty with finding a job, earning a living, not being able to become independent from their families as soon as possible, they get discouraged and maybe hopeless. This hopelessness and depression make them feel sorrowful and therefore it will not let them enjoy their lives or as another consequence they will not able to get the same level of enjoyment as they did in the past. As you can see, the conditions of today's world play an important role.

Another reason for choosing my opinion is that young people are getting busier day by day. This is another important thing that needs to be said about. They have to work harder and further in today's competitive job market so they can make more money. In addition, they have to study more and get higher degrees so they can be employed sooner in companies, various institutions and have more career opportunities and get paid better. So, the conclusion that can be drawn is that these facts keep them busier as time goes by and cause them not to have much time to derive enjoyment from their hobbies and favorites. Thus, this significant point should be considered.

To sum up, as the old adage goes : "a coin has two sides", those who take the other side are partially reasonable every once in a while. However, in my opinion the statement raised in the question is not always true because there are many increasing major problems facing young people in the world and furthermore, young people are becoming more and more busier. I think it is important that young people make an attempt to create more time for taking pleasure in their lives.

peacefulwarrior 2 / 8  
Mar 16, 2014   #2
In general, you have done a good job. But there some logical errors which you have to fix. Well, in my view, when you write an opinion essay, I have to be a little critical. What I want to say is that you have to write about both sides even you think only one side is true. And additionally, "a coin has two sides" is a cliché and it is not wise to write a cliché in a TOEFL essay.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 17, 2014   #3
You seem to be having a good understanding about how to structure your introduction. However, I like you made a clear statement as to what position you hold in the argument. For exmple, instead of ;

In this essay, I will elaborate on why I personally believe that the statement that young people enjoy life more than old people do is not always true and give reasons and examples.

However, in my view, I believe that it is not fair to say that young people do enjoy life more than the old because it does not happen always.

One reason for choosing my opinion is that in today's hectic life young people like others are facing more problems and challenges in their lives.

.... The first part sounds a bit repeated.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 17, 2014   #4
Well, your body paras do not contain specific examples to support your reasoning.


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