This is supposd to be an exemplification essay, i chose the effects of college stress
The College Experience
Some believe a 5 hour energy will do the trick, others think that maybe if they can stay up 36 hours on end and complete an assignment that they've known about for a mere three weeks running on only caffeine & sugar that they will successfully make it through four years of college. They will soon find this strategy ineffective and possibly dangerous. The stress of college puts many pressures on one who has just recently entered adulthood. As much as our parents and high school teachers like to think they have prepared us for what is ahead, the truth is, there is only one way to learn, and that is by experience. What most of us do not realize is that we now must depend on ourselves; yes I said it, ourselves to make it through the next four years of our lives. No one is going to be knocking on our door asking us if we've finished tonight's home work or if we've studied for next week's exam. We must learn to become more self sufficient and have a thought out plan to succeed, if we do not, we are destined to fail.
Unfortunately, many of today's students do not realize that the steps they are taking to make life easier as a student is actually going to be their pitfall. Pulling all-nighters, running on caffeine & adrenaline, having study parties, and constantly reminding ourselves what's at stake can cause either too little focus or too much focus, therefore creating stress. Not only do we face stress academically but many of our hardships come socially. As a college freshman moving out of our parents homes, in with a new roommates, leaving all of our friends at home, and completely starting a new life elsewhere can create a great deal of anxiety. Separating ourselves from many of those stresses and issues as soon as we leave our hometowns is a complete necessity if you want to reduce your stresses after reaching your destination. Allowing yourself to become a self sufficient individual as we step into the world with our head held high and our eyes set on the prize we will see that it comes with great reward.
Personally, I remember sitting down and staring at my course catalog for about an hour before I began to comprehend what I needed to do prior to even enrolling. Selecting the proper courses, making sure we have the correct materials, and managing our time so we have enough time between classes to do what we to get done need can become overwhelming. I must have changed my courses & rearranged my class schedule nearly 20 times before deciding that enough was enough, and that I might as well just give up. I truly believed I was not going to make it through the first class, to my surprise it wasn't as bad as I thought. After finally settling upon a schedule, I then wondered how in the world I was going to afford this and how many years I am going to be in debt. On top of all that, I have not been involved in school related activities in nearly 3 years. I am a single mother of two and that has taken up most of my time in the past 3 years, leaving little time for self advancement. Luckily, we have great counselors, financial aid programs, scholarships, and peer to peer programs that we can rely upon to help us through this tough transition.
We must ask ourselves what we can do to manage the stress of our newly found lives and where we can find the proper sources to make our lives not so hectic. Creating a 'quiet' space for study & relaxation time has been a known way to relieve anxiety, if not at our home then at a place such as a library or coffee shop. We also need to be sure that we have a well thought out plan on how we plan to manage what very little time that we have, 24 hours in a day just simply does not seem to be enough as a college freshman. Between our vigorous class schedules, homework, and the possibility of a part time job or internship, it leaves little time for personal activities. On top of time management we must always remember to stay healthy because with so much to get done with so little personal time we can slowly find our health declining while grabbing a donut and Mt. Dew for breakfast at the shop around the corner from our first class. Eating right, exercising on a regular basis, and taking breaks every once and awhile is a sure way to keep the energy level up to par on a busy week we need it the most rather than depending on the next red bull.
When establishing a proper routine we are all sure to make it through the next couple years, or more, of our lives. These are supposed to be some of the best years we have so let's make it that way instead of allowing the stresses of college ruin our experience. The trials and tribulations, success and failures, are all part of what will make us a responsible, mature, & educated young adults. The experiences we gain from these years will stick with us for life, make them worth remembering.
Some believe a 5 hour energy will do-- this will confuse some people. It is a proper noun, so capitalize it, and make it clear.
Some believe a 5-Hour Energy Drink will do...
Some believe a 5 hour energy will do the trick, while others think
that maybe if they can stay up 36 hours on end and complete an assignment, one that they've known about for a mere three weeks, running on only caffeine and sugar, that they will successfully make it through four years of college. --- wow, this was a tough sentence! I remember sitting down and staring at my course catalog
The stress of college puts many pressures on one who has just recently entered adulthood, and _______ (connect this to the ideas you presented in the first few sentences). As much as our parents and high school teachers like to think they have prepared us for what is ahead, the truth is, there is only one way to learn, and that is by experience. ...
Look for places to say what needs to be said without using as many words.
I think this is stronger without personally:
for about an hour before I began to comprehend what I needed to do prior to even enrolling. (say this in a clever, possibly comical way, and do not use the fact that you spent an hour to make your point.)
Your essay's main idea is not as clear as it could be, partially because of those long, confusing sentences in paragraph one. Add a short sentence to the end of paragraph one to "sharpen" your thesis.