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College or univeristy's benefits


tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Sep 30, 2009   #1
Hi,

Please proofread & give me your ideas about this essay. It's very useful if you give me some tips to improve it.

Thanks & have a nice day,

Tuan.

People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

After finishing the high school program, most of students prepare for the university entrance. Many people can choose the appropriate college or university which educates and trains them so that they can obtain their expected jobs. Unfortunately, many people can not take part in the university education because of financial, living conditions or capability reasons. I think the university education is very important because it provides us deep knowledge, working skills and certificates.

In high school, we learn basic and general knowledge of many subjects. But in university, we will learn and research deeply about the stream which you will work with in the future. For instance, I plan to become a software engineer, so I go to the University Technology and study in the information technology department. I will research about programming language, system analyze and design, computer architecture, database management system and so on. With deep knowledge about these subjects, I can start my career as a software engineer after graduating.

Furthermore, the university provides many essential working skills through seminars, projects or theses. We should have good communication, presentation, team working and problem solving skills to work in the professional environment. When I was in the university, I did many seminars, projects and presented them after finishing. These are opportunities for me to practice. During these processes, I have met many problems; I must solve them myself first, when I can not I will ask professors to give me some directions or tips. By this way, I can improve my problem solving skill.

Finally, the university will grant us a certificate which is really needed for starting a new career. Some people think that certificate is not important, but I think it's important as well. If we graduate from the famous school and have excellent result, we can get a good job easier compare with people who have not got it.

In conclusion, the university time is the necessary and important period. It prepares for us knowledge, skills and certificate which play important roles to start a new career as well as to take a good job.

mocixuan 4 / 10  
Oct 1, 2009   #2
Hi,
I think you should change your words sometimes,for instance,you've used "deep" 3 times, you can change your expression like this:
"it provides us deep knowledge"==we can enhance our knowledge/broaden our horizon etc.
by the way,i study in the information science and technology institution too and i am majored in computer science, what's your major?
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 1, 2009   #3
Hi,

Sometimes, I repeated some words, because I can not find out the better word at that moment. Your comment is very useful for me, I will try to avoid it later.

I already graduated the university. Now, I'm an software engineer.

Thanks so much,

Tuan.
essay0405 7 / 16  
Oct 1, 2009   #4
Hi, Tuan. I'm preparing for the Toefl, too. I have read some of your essays and I think they're pretty good. Do you have any tips for that? How can you prepare for the speaking?
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 2, 2009   #5
Hi,

I'm also having trouble with the speaking part. Although I've worked for foreign companies for nearly five years and I have opportunity to communicate with foreigners, my pronunciation is not good at all.

I've contacted with some speaking partners on the internet. I think this is a good solution, we can communicate by using some chat tools (YM, Skype, Windows Messenger).

Cheers,

Tuan.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 2, 2009   #6
In high school, we learn basic and general knowledge of many subjects. But in university, we will learn and research deeply about the stream which you will work with in the future. i think the first sentence is not a topic sentence. it must be:

In high school, we learn basic and general knowledge of many subjects;however, in university, we will learn and research deeply about the stream which you will work with in the future

note that:never use and, but in essay at the begining of sentence.

on whole, i like yours. good luck
OP tuanlnc 10 / 36  
Oct 3, 2009   #7
Thanks for your suggestion, Thinh!

I agree with you about that point. I will avoid repeating this mistake in the next essays.

Have a nice weekend,

Tuan.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 3, 2009   #8
hi, in the next month, i have to take ielts exam. however, i am not really confident for writing and speaking.i have never found any websites which help me improve writing for task 1 in ielst format. could u help me! anyway, thank in advance.

have a good time at the mid autumn festival.


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