My teacher only gave me this topic and asked me to write a short essay without telling me word limit or essay structure. So I've written this in form of writing task 2:
Do what extend you agree or disagree.
Some people believe university or college is not the best way to have a successful career. However, I partly agree with this view as I believe that people should purchase their dreams as well as have a degree in their profession.
In modern days, more and more stories about self-made millionaires have been told as inspirations of incredible success without having any diplomas. From such stories and belief of many people, working right after high school graduation has many surprising benefits. First, it is a chance for young people to have their first-hand experiences to earn money. Second, making a living is not a piece of cake but it is definitely the fastest way to become mature. Youngsters acknowledge the money's worth and are more careful with each penny spent once they join the workforce.
On the other hand, in reality, higher education is a more popular choice for several reasons. Firstly, to get employed by prestigious companies, employees are expected to meet compulsory requirements of qualifications. They are more likely to have a well-paid job and promising opportunities for future promotion. Furthermore, college provides the young with not only speciality knowledge but also suitable health care. They are well-prepared both mentally and physically and use everything leant as a stepping stone to cope with ups and downs in life.
All in all, going to college or working have their own advantages but in my opinion, university is a more stable option.
some personal suggestions to change:
- please write "...going to university or college...." for clearer sentence.
- what does "purchase" mean in this context? Please notice to your language use.
- the 1st body paragraph has no topic sentence. I recommend you should change the order of sentence 1 and 2.
- In conclusion paragraph, "have" should be "has" and "their" should be "its". Avoid letting your last paragraph be too short, shoud from 2 to 3 sentences
the rest of your essay seems quite solid.