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Colleges should offer more career-based courses for students future

lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
Thank you for your coming. There may be some mistakes or blurry expression in my esseay that I haven't notice yet. Could you help me point them out? Well, if your are available and help me revise them, I may really, really, really appreciate it.^-^

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
College or university should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

Currently, many college graduates are unemployed. Quite a few of them contend that there are few jobs comparable to their education, because their universities neglect to develop their employability skills and hand-on experience. In this respect, I definitely agree that university should offer its students more career-based courses they will need for specific career and jobs before they start working.

First of all, university and college are responsible for setting up career-related courses for its students. For most outstanding students, who exactly know what vocation is appropriate for them, good specific career preparation is their main purpose to attend desirable universities. What if universities ignore the voice of those students, they will lose those outstanding students. Considering those students' purposes, university and college should do something to meet their needs, give the best start to their future career. In this case, setting up career courses is indispensable as an advisable initiative.

Furthermore, students would benefit from those courses which show effectiveness. A range of successful career-related courses not only promote student's valuable employability skills but also enrich their hand-on experience. Here is a good example set in Coventry University where 94% graduates go on to employment. In this university some courses help equip student with valuable employability skills. For instance, the student can take a course in leadership, right through to learning new language or how to use digital tools, such as Adobe Photoshop. Besides, there are some other courses which involve internships in real workspace. Therefore, when Coventry University's graduates finish their schooling, they will be armed with specific employability skills and real-work experience; the probability that they will be qualified job applicants is improved. This example leads me to believe that career courses are indispensable for students. University and college need to consider setting up career-related courses.

In conclusion, I really believe that university and college should offer more career courses. By doing so, university and college live up to many students' expectations; students can improve employability skills and gain hand-on experience while simultaneously making students more employable. This is why I support setting up more career courses.
g2080800 3 / 6  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
The essay structure is very strong, and the connection between the sentences is fluctuated. However, since it is the argumentative essay, I am highly recommend that you can give the comparative of each example because you can play each sides position to defense each opinion. It would be better if you try to write in this pattern.
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 3, 2013   #3

:First up==> Firstly
It is not good to open para like this (personal)

:in 2nd para written more about example. Cut it short..

:3rd para is only 1 long sentance, if you cut short the ex. In 2nd para you can add 3para with 2nd para.

overall good attempt..
OP lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
Thank you~
I will try it~
OP lily2012 3 / 8 1  
Jan 3, 2013   #5
Tessy~ Thank you~^_^


:3rd para is only 1 long sentance, if you cut short the ex. In 2nd para you can add 3para with 2nd para.

Do you mean this para"In conclusion, I really believe" ?
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 3, 2013   #6

I am following like this..

Intro, 1st para,2nd para,3,4 and conclusion..

3ed para starting thus..is it a para...?
I am confused my mobile it is showing as another para..
Keep double space between paras...

dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 3, 2013   #7
Here you need to highlight the reason more specifically. You believe it is important to prepare students for their future careers as you think the main problem for unemployment is that they are not prepared to take up those challenges. That should be said in the introduction to align your argument with the topic. :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 6, 2013   #8
Quite a few of themcontend that there are few jobs comparable to their education

.... I have a problem in understanding this phrase. What do you mean? Is that you mean to say only a few people are happy with their jobs? If so, the right word is ''content'' and not ''contend'';

Quite a few of them are contented with the jobs they do that have some compatibility to academic background.

hand-on experience

.... hands- on experience

First, universities and colleges are responsible for offering courses that contain career preparatory features to their students .

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