the girl-boy ratio at schools
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Colleges and universities have to enroll the same numbers of students in both genders in all subjects. In my opinion, I disagree it. However, I believe that men and women have the same opportunities to study.
Firstly, having equal numbers of students in both genders may cause to reverse discrimination. Sexual discrimination and reverse discrimination both are not allowed in the modern cities. The schools should accept students base on their ability, relevant experience or other reasons but not their gender. People should not be benefited or demaged by their gender.
Secondly, people in different gender good at different things. It does not mean the sexual stereotype that how men or women should be, but they are physically different. For example, in biology, men is stronger and more powerful than women. Therefore, there are more male students in school of engineering, and their key of being there was their ability but not their gender.
Last but not the least, having the same quantity of male and female students in all programmes does not work in the reality. Registration of entering colleges or universities is a two way process. Even if the schools set the rule, the gender of the applicants may not be that equal. For example, there have been few male students applied the programme of nursing every year. They are not willing to study nursing because of serval reasons. So, will the university decreases the number of nursing students if they received not enough male student applications? So, it is not a good way to avoid sexual discrimination by controlling the numbers of male and female students.
In conclusion, there is not advantage to the society while enforcing universities to accept the same numbers of male and female students.
In my view, I think there are some mistakes in your essay:
in the 1st paragraph: you should write some other sentences before paraphrasing the topic. For instance, "Nowadays, something...something...Therefore, some people believe that Colleges and universities have to....". Then, you give your statement and continue to the body. you should not write other sentences that are not necessary.
in the 2nd paragraph, the explanation should be clearer, more logical. You should use more conjunction words and give example if possible.
"damage" usually is used for things. You should say " injury".
in the 3rd paragraph, people of different gender.
men are stronger
schools of engineering
"in biology" --> " in physical"
in the 4th paragraph, all programmes do not work
"So" are an informal word, replaced by hence, as a result, consequently, accordingly,...
in the last paragraph: there is no advantage
Your conclusion is not close to the topic.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,876 3553
Kiki, your opening statement created a severe topic deviation based upon the original prompt presentation. You should have stopped with "I disagree" instead of making an additional comment about "same opportunities to study" because that create the thesis statement for your essay, which was not part of the original discussion. The thesis statement is always the last sentence in the opening statement paraphrase and as such, represents the discussion instruction based on the required opinion. In fact, your response about the opinion is also wrong because you merely "disagreed" when the essay is requiring you to issue an emotional response based on the "extent" indication in the instruction. You have to use descriptive terms such as "strongly, totally, partially, unequivocally" to represent your "extent" opinion in the opening paraphrase. Make sure to properly use the opening paragraph in the manner required because a major portion of your final score will be based on the representation of your English comprehension skills in this section of the scoring guide.
By the way, the concluding statement is meant to be a summary of your provided discussion. It cannot be a single sentence at the end of the essay because a single sentence does not accurately summarize the discussion. Note that there is a standard 3 sentence minimum - 5 sentence maximum per paragraph and that includes the opening and concluding statement.