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A combination of difficulties when living in a foreign country


TANJIN  
Oct 28, 2016   #1
writing task 1:Integration problem in living abroad

A combination of difficulties in living in a foreign country has been experiencing by three different aged groups of people that is presenting the bar chart.

As it can be seen, the capacity of making friends and of finding suitable living places decrease gradually as people age increase whilst the level of native language skill continue to rise among them .

A closer look at the chart reveals that the older people ( over 55 aged ) has a positive influence in the level of foreign language compare to two other groups, which reach the highest of almost 55% whereas well above a fifth of young and of middle aged speak in local tongue.

In case of finding living places, all groups show their efficiency particularly nearly two-fifth of people (35-54 aged ) are more capable to face trouble than others, although the figures for younger and older people are almost the same , which is nearly 35%.

However, 46% of people, who are young ( 18-22 aged ), are more able to make peer while two other groups are in a dilemma of maintain friendship, the percentage start to fall from 46% to well above 20% as age increase from 18 to over 55.

# plz give me feedback in details , I m novice. Thanx in advance .




sydneynguyen 2  
Oct 29, 2016   #2
Dear Friend,
You wrote : ... gradually as people age increase whilst the level of ...
Revise : "decrease" is "decreases" , and " increase" is " increases"

You wrote: ... A closer look at the chart ...
You have a problem with your verb agreement. The singular noun phrase "A closer" must be used with a third-person verb ''looks''

... dilemma of maintaining friendship, the percentage ...

... to well above 20% as the age increase from 18 ...
ifraanisa05 6  
Oct 29, 2016   #3
here are my suggestions

i suggest you, to put your overview into your first paragraph

... finding suitable living places decrease gradually as people age increase whilst ...
this is a bar chart shows about the problem according to age. you cannot use 'decrease/increase' because this is not about the continuity. you make many unclear sentence because of that

... the older people ( over 55 aged ) hashave a positive influence in the ...


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