The independence or freedom is the important thing for teenagers because they can do everything that they want without parents' complaint . In the other hand, the complaint can make children learn how to spend their life. For me, I prefer young adult to live with their families because of three main reasons composed of elder's suggestion, safety and suitability.
I would suggest replacing "thing" with "concept", or something similar. Maybe use "concern" instead of "complaint". The phrase is "on the other hand", not "in the other hand", Consider replacing "make" with something like "help". Rewrite the last sentence like "I believe that young adults should live with their families because they can learn from their elders, have a sense of security, and sustainability.Most of young adults lack of experience and knowledge to stay alone. They do not know that is it proper or not and is it right or wrong? Children can be compared as apprentices; always suggested and helped by professor until they reach their accomplishment. So,teenage should stay with their parent who can control them to do the right things and give a suggestions when they are in depression.
Just change "of" to "the", and add the word "required" after "knowledge". What exactly are you trying to say with the second sentence? I can deduce your meaning, but you may want to clarify. I added a semicolon to your third sentence in order to separate the two phrases. Remove the "so" at the beginning, since it's unnecessary. Change "teenage" to "teenagers" or "adolescents". Add an "s" to "parent", and maybe replace "control" with something else, like "help" or "guide". Remove the words "to do the right things" and "a", and replace "in depression" with "depressed"Exactly, because adults have dealt with jeopardy situation more than teenagers, more experience more safety is the truth. For example, when the robber steals money in house at night, the parents know that what they should do. and they have more conscious than their children. So, staying with family is more safety than stay alone.
Remove "exactly", because it's unnecessary. Replace "jeopardy" with "dangerous", and rewrite the last part so it's something like "they are less likely to panic". Use "if a" instead of "when the", and maybe suggest that the robber is breaking in at night? Remove "that" and end the sentence at the period. What are your trying to say with "they have more conscious than their children."? Replace "more safety" with "safer"The last, staying alone is not the comfortable life. There is not anyone to take care of lonely teenagers. They have to do everything such as laundry, cooking, sweeping own rooms etc., by themselves.These, reinforce with the two reasons mentioned above, show that young adults are not ready for the independent life.
Replace "the last" with "finally" and "the" with "a". Use "no one" instead of "anyone". Replace "own" with "their", and remove "by themselves". Use "This argument" instead of "these".Because of these reasons, I prefer to stay with parent. But, staying with parent or alone is up to persons who have different culture and though because the two ways have their own unique good points.
Restate the thesis, or your stance on the subject. You should also restate your arguments. I would remove the last sentence, because it's not very revelant to the essay. If there isn't a word limit, expand on your argument. Use examples and personal experience to enhance your persuasive essay.I hope I helped!