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Writing task 2: Commenting and criticising in class to improve educational quality

thuhuyen461 4  
Jul 9, 2018   #1
Could you please give the essay below a detailed grade? Thank you so much!

Teachers under the critical eye

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

My answer:

The argument that supporting would-be undergraduates to be outspoken and critical to teachers if needed to boost academic development is surging. Others said its consequence would be moral degeneration in class. Both viewpoints will be considered prior to my insights as follows.

Obviously, allowing tertiary students to be vocal in commenting or criticising teachers benefits learning process. Students and teachers will express their opinions equally and create productive classes. Additionally, instead of being indoctrinated, students perceive the world by their reasoning with teacher's help. For example, my art class design projects online and exchange ideas or even constructive feedbacks with tutors.

On the other hand, entitled to criticising teachers, students will increasingly break the rules and show blatant disrespect to their supervisors. Since there is no clarification on how much intensity should be placed in a critique, students may unconsciously cross the line and demoralise educators by extreme criticisms. This would certainly degrade social system and threaten mankind.

The common belief that everyone is entitled to their opinions is necessary in our free and fair society but I think it remains underdeveloped in class. The matter is there are students who oppose another's ideas use the phrase: 'well, it is just my opinion' without any elaboration. Thus, I believe to forward academic qualities, it is prerequisite that students provide justifications of their arguments predicated on rationality and evidence rather than bland assertion.

Briefly, interaction between students and teachers is regarded as the major strategy to achieve superior education paradigm. Students can amplify their voice on issues or supportively remark teachers. However, providing students understand that it takes times to learn from mistakes, they will manage to perform better and support their teachers.
Jul 9, 2018   #2
In my view, you should express your anwser in the introduce paragraph. If you agree both, you can write that i totally agree with both ideas. If you agree one, you can write obviously.

Anyway, you have good ideas and good grammar.
Holt [Contributor] 1530  
Jul 10, 2018   #3
Huyen, here is my opinion / possible scoring consideration for your essay:

TA - 5
Good work with the prompt paraphrase. However, I would refrain from using the term argument and instead, refer to the topic as a "debate" in this instance. That is because the term "argument" was already used in the original prompt. If the word has already been used as a keyword in the prompt, then you need to find a synonym or different word with the same meaning for it, in your version of the prompt / prompt paraphrase.

Your concluding paragraph is not an accurate discussion summary. You presented new areas for discussion rather than simply rounding out the discussion with a concise listing of opinions and reasons from the body paragraph. So your concluding paragraph is faulty.

C&C - 5

Your second paragraph lacks further development. Your example does not provide a proper supporting scenario for the previous discussion in the paragraph. You need at least 1 more explanatory sentence to truly clarify what you were trying to say in this paragraph. The third paragraph is an inaccurate exaggeration. Having students criticize their professors will not result in a threat to mankind. You need to use more transition sentences going from one paragraph to the next. You also need to clarify that you are referring to popular points of view in the discussion for the prompt POV's. Use terms such as "Some students feel..." for one paragraph then "Other students argue that..." just to clarify the source of the point of view which should be public knowledge and information prior to your personal opinion.

LR - 6

You make good use of the English language in this essay. You use enough advanced English words to describe opinions and other points of view. While not always perfect, most of the words that you use are appropriate for the discussion. Except, as I mentioned earlier, in the portions where you exaggerate the terms and presentations in the essay.

GRA - 6

You have a pretty good English sentence structure in this essay. Though sometimes improperly structured, your use of complex sentences are enough to create an acceptable mix with the simple sentences. You do not have any run-on or extremely long sentences, which helped to boost your score in this essay.

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