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Essay comments - "invention that has influenced modern society"


JerrySpock 2 / 4  
Jan 6, 2009   #1
Hi, I wrote another essay for CLEP practice. Any comments are appreciated, but I'm mostly interested in this: Is my thesis sentence clear? Are my closing remarks clear and appropriate? Are there any places that seem off topic? Anyone have any CLEP essay tips?

Thanks!

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"Choose one invention or discovery that has significantly influenced modern society. Show either the positive and/or negative influence of this invention or discovery."

Our world has experienced many changes within the last century, and one of the most influential changes is the invention of the cellphone. The cellphone has completely changed the way we communicate, as well as the speed, convenience, and quality of our communication.

The cell phone has made communication more convenient than ever before. If we find ourselves in a bind, like maybe our car breaks down, we can simply pick up our cell and call a friend or tow truck. If we're on the road, away from a telephone directory, we can call the operator and they can connect us to whoever we want.

Along with improving the convenience of our communication, cell phones have made communication move faster and faster. I can call you tell you something, and you can call a friend, and that friend can call another friend all within an incredibly small time frame. News that would have once taken several hours (or days) to travel, now travels within a matter of minutes.

Because news travels so fast, the result is that everyone is so much more connected than they were in the past. Cells phones have created a network of human beings, and that network is a living and vibrant thing. In the past, networks of people were limited, because it took lots of time and effort to spread news. Now, because of the speed and ease of communication, networks are allowed to grow much larger and complex.

These three improvements in communication (convenience, speed, and greater connection) have resulted, unfortunately, in a decrease in the quality of communication. I believe that because communication is so easy nowadays, people take less time to think about what they're saying. An accurately conveyed message is less valuable, because people take communication for granted. People think that if a mistake is made, it can quickly be fixed with another phone call. This is inefficient! You should always strive to communicated clearly and accurately the very FIRST time. Just because it's relatively easy to make another call and fix a miscommunication, doesn't mean it's acceptable to do that!

Modern society will never be the same as it once was. The invention of the cellphone has changed society by giving the human race the amazing power of communication. We must recognize this power, and the responsibilities that come with it. Indeed, the cell phone is an great invention that has changed the convenience, speed, and efficiency of our modern day communication.
mikedogg90 3 / 6  
Jan 9, 2009   #2
Great job!! My suggestions would be other than calling, what else can a cell phone do that significantly improves modern society?


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