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The common access to the new technology may favour the young people and give them more opportunities


akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Oct 7, 2015   #1
Hi everyone,

Greets from China. I will have TOEFL exam in Dec. However I'm poor in writing. I'd like to appreciate all your advice and help in advance for helping me revise my poor essay!

TOEFL ESSAY- Do you agree or Disagree that young people enjoy life more than older people.

With increasingly technologies appear and globalization, it seems that younger people may have more opportunities to get success and enjoy a good life. However, as to me, I think that older people may live happier than the young.

To begin with, the young face fierce competition than the old in their age.They often feel stressed. Nowadays, as a growing number of people getting the bachelor and master degree, high-level educated people are not rare. While the company seems more picky that they want to take the top talents among them. For example , many students who get a master degree abroad don't find a job either abroad or in the hometown. Few talents meet the standard of companies want.

Meanwhile, older people have more free time that they can do anything they want to do . Having a travel with lovers is the most popular way of older people living. It's time for them to travel around the world because children are mature enough to have their own life. My grandparents once traveled to the Europe to commemorate My mom's birthday party. When i look at the photos they have taken during their trip, smiling in their faces illustrates how happy they feel vividly.

In addition, the country are paying more attention to the old than any times. Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses built to meet the old specific needs. There may have laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the old for the staff prepare various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old who used to live alone can easily make friends. They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.

In sum , we should attribute the old who enjoy a better life to his hard work when he was young. And we should also bear in mind that the virtue of working hard we persist will finally benefit us when we are old.

irhame 52 / 50 25  
Oct 7, 2015   #2
In addition, the country are paying more attention to the old people than any timesothers . Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses built to meetmet the old specific needs. There may have a laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the oldelderly people for the staff preparing various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old ones who used to live alone can easily makedevelop a relationshipfriends . They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.
OP akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Oct 7, 2015   #3
hi guys,

I revised my essay with your help. Thanks in advance for any advice on structure and grammars!

With increasingly technologies and globalization appear, it's customary to say that younger people have more opportunities to get success and enjoy a good life with a brightening future. However, as to me, the young may suffer from it while the elder have more chances to enjoy life than them.

To begin with, the young are facing a fierce competition than the old in their age now. They often feel stressed. Nowadays, we may fail to find that high-educated talents are scarcely . While the company seems more picky that they want to take the top talents among them. It's become more and more difficult for young people to find a satisfied job these days, they have to lower their expectation according to what job market offers no to their personal preference.

Meanwhile, in a rid of living stress, older people have more free time and money that they can do anything they want to do . Having a travel with lovers is the most popular way of older people living. It's time for them to travel around the world because children are mature enough to have their own life. My grandparents once traveled to the Europe to commemorate My mom's birthday party. When i look at the photos they have taken during their trip, smiling in their faces illustrates how happy they feel vividly.

In addition, the country pay more attention to the old people others. Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses met the old specific needs. There may have a laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the elder for the staff preparing various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old who used to live alone can easily develop a relationship . They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.

To put in a nutshell , I believe that there is no period of time in a person's life is more happier than one get elder in a rid of stressed life. The old should enjoy their life with memories of the scenes the saw and the warm social help they have.
JIDA 8 / 6 4  
Oct 8, 2015   #4
With increasingly technologies and globalization appear, it's customary to say [...]

let me to rewrite your first paragraph...

Nowadays, the existence of technology and globalization make the youngest have more opportunities than the eldest because they can get success rapidly for the brightening future. However, in my opinion, when they were young, it would be a little bit suffering; but, they can get more chances when they get older


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