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Common App (Essay B) - The Importance of Worldwide Cooperation


ThePirateKing 3 / 6  
Nov 4, 2012   #1
Write an essay about an issue that is of importance to you, your community or the world.

Essay B (Issues of Importance)

Everywhere you look people will argue and bicker to dispute the most irrelevant points. From a local level to a much broader national level it would just appear that no one can ever get along. Having traveled the world I have experienced firsthand how people are quick to judge others simply based on what they've heard on the news or from stories circling around. This abundance of prejudice is slowly attacking the human race. From Seoul, South Korea to Paris, France I have seen all sorts of attitudes towards American's and most of which are quite negative. Once in Korea while I was out with a few of my friends we were asked by a local where we were from and I responded that I was from The States and was quickly looked down at and the man quickly lost interest, but my friends who spoke up and said they were from Canada made the man excited. He threw thumbs up to the Canadians and laughed and sparked conversation with them while I was left to wonder what made people from the United States look so unappealing to this man.

It is this sort of prejudice that is extremely evident in today's world and it isn't helping. It would appear that no one can seem to get along for any extended period of time before the backstabbing begins. What monumental feats does the human race expect to achieve while it is still fighting itself? If a majority of nations banded together for a common goal it would be achieved so effortlessly and they could move on to the next task. My favorite example of the cooperation that can take place between nations is the International Space Station (ISS). The station is made from parts that have come from all over the globe and it is truly a masterpiece. Imagine if the world could unite like that against an issue closer to home. World hunger with efforts from all the nations combined could be eradicated, wars could be stopped, and, hopefully in the near future, the human race could leave earth and our solar system and work as a team, or one large collective to explore the galaxy without prejudice and fear of one another.

ALSO: I'm thinking about writing Essay A (Person who influence you) over a group, would that be alright or should I just narrow it down to one person?

Thanks very much! :D

rezwan3 7 / 19 4  
Nov 4, 2012   #2
There are some technical problems to it and yes you do kinda go off topic

1. Start your paragraph with a sentence that grabs the reader's attention right away.

2. "Having traveled the world", insert a comma after that

3. In the second paragraph you should expand upon your encounter in Korea and the prejudice ideals that it conveyed

4. You are being a little too general. Be a little unique by talking about YOUR experience. As afterall, no two human beings can't have the same life experience and hence the same ideals.

5. Finally, I would like to say that you should expand upon your korean encounter and bring out vivid images that supports your view.

Great topic by the way and for the "person who influenced you essay", talk about just one person. And don't pick your mom or dad as they are too common and cliche.

:)


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