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A common belief that unpaid community services should be made compulsory for high schoolers.


vietduccan 10 / 19 7  
Dec 15, 2018   #1

IELTS Writing Task 2: Agree or Disagree Essay



Here is my latest essay on Writing Task 2. Please be free to leave your comments below. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community work (for example, working for a charity, teaching sports to children) should become a compulsory part of the high school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a common belief that unpaid community services should be made compulsory for high schoolers. In my opinion, I believe that making community services compulsory should not be exercised in school environment.

Firstly, being forced in welfare works could result in more pressure to high schoolers. Community services often requires to pay a great amount of time, hence, when taking part in these activities, students are more likely to lose concentration on school assignments. This means that many young people, especially who are struggling with their study, might find it challenging to keep a good performance in their academic records. For majority of students, particularly who always desire to get a well-paid job in the future, this would not be a viable option.

Another point to consider is the lack of efficiencies when high school pupils are forced into such kind of activities. It is obvious that young people also have the right and capability to make decision whether or not to contribute to the society. Therefore, unless high schoolers engage in community works with a proper attitude, they would not be willing to learn and do anything. This would eventually go against the school's expectations, which is helping its students foster a strong sense of community in their minds.

In my opinion, instead of making this work mandatory, parents and teachers should encourage and provide their children with opportunities to contribute to the society. By doing this, they can expect these youngsters actually learn from experience of helping others out.

To sum up, I believe that making welfare works compulsory is not a perfect way to equip students with the values that parents and teachers expect them to learn.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Dec 16, 2018   #2
You misunderstood the prompt requirement. The discussion instruction asks you to respond to the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?". The response that you wrote speaks of your "belief" regarding compulsory community service. Those are two different responses based on 2 different prompt requirements. Therefore, your prompt paraphrase will result in a failing score for the TA section of your paper, which means the addition of your GRA and C&C problems will result in an overall failing score for your work. Once you make a mistake with the TA representation, there is no way the essay can receive a passing score. Based on this mistake, I will not review the rest of the problems with your essay because this essay has already failed the test.

It would have been alright for you to use the term "believe" in the response sentence, provided that you had added a measurement of response to it. Some samples of these are ; "I totally believe that community service should not be compulsory..." or " I am of the belief that a total implementation of a compulsory community service..." When done in the method that still reflects the measured response requirement, your essay comes across as prompt responsive instead of prompt deviant.
OP vietduccan 10 / 19 7  
Dec 16, 2018   #3
Hi, I just rewrite my thesis statement. Could you please recheck it for me. Thanks a lot.
In my opinion, I do not agree that community services should be made mandatory in school environment.


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