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A common phenomenon that people who live in flourishing city are leading a life with lower qualities


JimYeah 1 / -  
Nov 18, 2014   #1
This is a writing task 2 of IELTS.
Task:Today, the qualities of life of people in big cities are worse. What are the causes of this problem? Any measures should be taken to solve it?

My essay:

Currently,it has been a common phenomenon that people who live in flourishing city are leading a life with lower qualities.Some people do not have regularly meals and often stay late at night,which makes their body wunhealthy.Here are several reasons for this problem and I think some measures should be taken to reserve it.

Above all,the fast space of life in big city is the main reason that leads the worse qualities of life.Because of the busy work or study which cause the high stress of them,both those who have a job and students have less and less time to have lunch and dinner at the regular time not to mention relaxtion.Thus,such a tired life damage their health seriously.Furthermore,the another reason for the worse life is poor environment due to the heavy traffic and developing industry.As the big cities becoming more flourishing,more and more people are able to afford a car,whichi increases their traffic volume.At the same time,large number of industral factories were built in those city.Both of them bring the pollution to cities,which do harm to people's health.

So,I hold the belief that it is imperative that some measures should be implement to save their life.First of all,it is necessary for people in big city to slow their life steps in order to have a regularly life.Only when they eat healthily and do not stay late at night can they improve their life qualities.On the other hand,government should hold liable of dealing with the environmental problem.They ought to allocate funding to settle the pollution.Moreover,the factories need to be removed so that they would not sause the pollution to cities.Government should restrist the volume of cars everyday as well in order to reduce the car emissions.

To sum up,the worse qualites of people living in big cities caused by both their fast life and the environmental pollution.Thus,there is no getting around the fact that they should change their daily life and have something done to improve the circumstance.
kitakaname 5 / 17 2  
Nov 18, 2014   #2
My essay:Currently,it has been a common phenomenon that people who live in flourishing city are leading a life with lower qualities.Some people do not have regularly meals and often stay late at night,which makes their body wunhealthy

"Furthermore, the another reason for this problem is the poor environment in big cities because of the heavy traffic and developing industries. The more big cities become flourished, the more people become able to afford cars (you should find two more!), which are supposed to increase the traffic volume. In addition, a number of factories being built can also cause the environmental problems in big cities."
kitakaname 5 / 17 2  
Nov 18, 2014   #3
Plus...

You should develop the structure of your essay!

you should follow;

1. Introduction (you have done well)

2. Body 1
You should focus on one topic in one paragraph.
3. Body 2

4. Conclusion ( summary of your ideas!)
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 18, 2014   #4
their body w unhealthy
Anyhow, you have some good ideas to decode the prompt.
However, i consider that you should have provided with some personal examples. I do believe that you have some nice examples since everyone has definitely suffered this current issue.


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