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[Task 2 IELTS] Communication between employers and workers is the most important factor

lovewriting 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2020   #1

communication between employees in different levels of the hierarchy in a company

In most successful companies, some people think that communication between employers and workers is the most important factor. Other people say that other factors are more important.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, it is believed that communication between the high and low hierarchical levels is of the most paramount importance factor of corporations' success. However, some argue that there are other contributing factors that determine the success of corporations. This essay will shed light on both points of view and present my own position.

Undoubtedly effective communication plays a crucial role in companies. In fact, frequent communication fosters strong relationships with the staff and the managers, thereby comprehending each other. Additionally, or maybe as a result, this can enhance employee motivation since they may be satisfied with their work. Nevertheless, when a decision is made by managers, if the workers misinterpret this decision, the consequences of faulty products or lower productivity could be occurring. Therefore, successful communication can not only reduce pressure at work but also boost productivity, which is one of the most necessary factors that contribute to companies thrive.

However, there are other factors are significant in order to build a company's success, some of which include recruiting the best people and developing effective strategies. Firstly, when companies require and retain great employees, this may give them a competitive edge over their competitors. Another critical criterion of a successful company is that long-term strategies are well-devised by the manager. This may enable the company to develop since these strategic plannings make organizational goals and objectively real. Thus, this empowers both the managers and employees to generate their necessary motivation to achieve the sole aim; hence, this promotes the growth of the company.

In conclusion, communication between different levels of the hierarchy in a company is an important element that may lead to the company's success. Nevertheless, there are more significant factors for an organization to thrive in today's market, including staff recruitment and planning a viable strategy.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648  
Mar 20, 2020   #2
When writing comparison with personal opinion essays, the exam taker must take note of the way the opinions are presented in the original discussion. These always make reference to the public point of view. As such, when the discussion instructs the exam taker to "discuss both points of view and give a personal opinion", the points of view referred to are the public points of view and as such, need to referred to in the public POV manner in the 2 separate discussion paragraphs in the body of paragraphs, prior to the discussion of a personal opinion.

A personal opinion cannot be used to discuss both points of view in the discussion as the reference point in the original discussion is "public". For reference, the following keywords indicate the public point of view discussion paragraphs:

some people think ...
Other people say...

Some, and other refer to the public points of view and as such, references to the public opinion must be made in the essay. Otherwise, it just becomes an overall personal point of view essay, which means the response is only partially correct and will be scored as such. Don't get me wrong, the essay has well developed discussion reasons, although with somewhat imperfect grammar. The only problem, was the lack of proper reference points in the discussion, as indicated above. If you will just learn to refer to the public POV before you write your personal opinion, the essay will be even better.

The discussion points are well developed, exemplified, and supported in the discussion. So you did those things well and will receive good marks for it. What will lower the points, is the lack of clarity as to who is discussing what in the paragraph. Considering the presentation format you used, it does appear to be a personal opinion all around. Hence the points deductions.

The conclusion needs a closing sentence. Otherwise, it is a good summary presentation of the overall discussion.
phong3baotap 7 / 19 4  
Mar 23, 2020   #3
You might consider the alternative:
1) ... and present my own position. (the word "own" seemed to create a tautology.)

2) Additionally, or maybe, as a result... (It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as a result. Consider adding the comma(s). You can find example at url: merriam-webster.com/dictionary/as%20a%20result)

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