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Both, the community and individuals itself, will get many advantages from university education


putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 21, 2016   #1
Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs while some others hold that there are wider benefits for the individual and the society. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

There are two points of view regarding higher education. Some people's perspectives opine that helping the graduates seek a satisfactory job is the vision of education system in university. However, others argue that not only will the graduates get benefits for themselves but also for community. I believe that either for the individual or the society will experience the benefits of university education.

On one hand, it is commonly believed that well-paid job often requires people who have graduated from university. According to the data from Ministry of manpower and transmigration, more than 90% companies in Indonesia hire people who have finished their first degree as the main requirement for a good position. Nevertheless, individuals who have lower education may usually get a physical job such as labors, shop keepers, or office boys.

On the other hand, in fact, there are wider benefits for the individual itself and society as well. Undergraduate students will get both hard skills which are skills relating to the course and soft skills such as discipline and time-management skill. Also, as students in university, they tend to give responsibility to their community by holding charity events. Through that event, they also learn how to get sponsorship and get interpersonal skills unconsciously. Furthermore, in the last semester, there is a compulsory program that has to be taken by the students. This program is similar with community service whereas the students will stay in particular time in remote area to help the inhabitants to develop their village.

To sum up, I tend to agree that the aim of university education is not only for the students. Both the community and individuals itself will get many advantages from such education.

Diqon 10 / 33 12  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
I have read you full essay, you have a good idea to explain a topic, but I found it does not have enough explanations.

it is commonly believed that well-paid job often requires people who have graduated from university. Only at high level of education, new graduations are more likely to achieve a high standard of living . (This is my example with more explanation of your ideas) ( here is better you add a bit explanations before you come in an example or facts ) (...)

this is my pattern that you can imitate in your body paragraph

1 main idea (A topic sentence/ The idea comes from introduction)
2 explanations (this should be 2 sentences because these can make more clearly your main idea than you only take 1 sentence)
3 examples (in any sources relate to a topic)
4 a conclusion (if the question as you about an opinion, you can add it)

Here can help you to arrange ideas of bodies paragraph.

I hope this will give you a solution of your writing problems.
OP putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 22, 2016   #3
Thank you for your kindness and support to improve my writing skill. I found this is very useful for me. Please do not hesitate to give your feedback again in my next writing as i really need it :)


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