The only thing I would say to do is to maybe re-word the ending or add an ending that's a little bit stronger with more resonance, but other than that there's not much to say, well done.
Thank you. Yes, I think you are right. I have a difficulty getting an acceptable conclusion due to time constraints. I spend so much time with introduction and the body that sometimes I get a very weak second-to-last and conclusion. Do you have any tips on how to come up with a strong conclusion? Forty minutes just does not cut it.
strenghten your body paragraph with example and result.
I always overlook it! I tend to be persuaded by the length of my body paragraphs I forget to set a specific example. Thank you so much for reviewing. More power!
Then, you need to present your claim, which should be debatable. By doing so, I believe that your opening paragraph looks more appealing.
I will seriously apply this to my next essay.
@eddies
The task is to introduce your claim by stating a good sentence for the topic - NOTED
Then this is followed by an example - NOTED
Indeed, I missed to give good examples. I will apply it next time.
I am not so familiar with 5W+1H, it seems tedious; it might take too much time for me to formulate it. Although, I will look it up and practice on it until I get used to it and do it more quickly.
@eddies
The conclusion part always gets me. Frock it. I'm going to pull and all-nighter tonight to get it right.
Thank you so much guys. You are all the best.