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IELTS Writing II: Compare importance of parks and sports facilities to shopping malls in a new town.


maiquynhngan 1 / -  
Aug 19, 2020   #1

choice of best developing strategy



Nowadays, it is true that more and more new towns are erected, which has aroused people's discussion about that expanding public parks and sports facilities or shopping centers for people to take their leisure in is more crucial. In my opinion, it seems that public parks and gyms are as crucial as shopping malls in a town.

There are a couple of compelling justifications why evolving public parks and sports facilities is vital in a new town's plan. The first reason could be that they provide suitable spaces and convenient equipment for citizens on the grounds that cities lack them seriously in these days. Take jogging in the park as a prime example, it helps to keep bodies fit and it also lightens their mood during a day. The second factor could be related to a fact that it is a good opportunity for inhabitants to socialize with their neighbors in the light of connection through playing team sports such as basketball, volleyball, soccer or walking and talking together in the park. This could probably lead to a harmonious relationship between residents that helps build a friendly neighborhood.

Developing shopping malls plays the same essential role to town dwellers. It is apparent that they meet all shopping requirements' local residents, regardless of entertainment in their free time or their daily needs. Shopping centers make shopping more and more convenient with less effort and lower cost because of not including extra shipping money. Furthermore, not only do they solve shopping problems more easily but they also enhance mental health of dwellers by purchasing things.

In conclusion, town planners ought to consider developing both parks, sports facilities and shopping centers to built a thorough developing strategy for a new town in the long term.

Thanks for your help <3

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,324 3356  
Aug 20, 2020   #2
I am unclear about this presentation as you did not provide the original prompt with the discussion. I know of this topic as a part of an extent essay discussion. However, you did not discuss the essay in that manner. Without the original prompt, I am uncertain about how to assess this presentation. Do your best to please post the prompt next time so that I will not play a guessing game with regards to your discussion parameters. Thank you.

As of now, what I can tell you, without considering the content since I do not know if you are discussing this topic properly or not, is that you have made several errors in this essay that cover the important scoring aspects of the LR, GRA, and C&C sections. You should really learn to identify how UK English words are spelled as opposed to the American English spelling. While you can use US English representations in the essay, you would end up with a better LR score if you showed that you know how to spell in UK English terms and also, use the words in the proper context based on vocabulary usage.

Speaking of grammar range, don't use complicated words that can clutter your presentation and meaning. Consider using simple words when you can to help make your essay easier to understand based on reading time constraints. Do not use words of uncertainty like "apparent". Say what you mean, "clear" is the word you are grasping for here. Yes, most of the time, using simple but clear words help you score better than over complicated word presentations.

Since this is an opinion essay, do not use words that would lead the examiner to wonder if you truly believe in your discussion presentation. There should not be any reference to probables in the essay such as "probably lead to". It creates a cloud of doubt in your discussion that could very well lead to a change in your actual discussion presentation, which in turn could affect your final score.


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