Ielts writing task 2_compare three different media mediums and describe the most effective one

Question:
Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.

comics
books
radio
television
film
theatre

tv delivers information most effectively

Answer:
There are various advantages and disadvantages of books,radio and television as ways to convey information. Among the three tools,I think television is the most effective way to communicate information.

Firstly,books are usually written by writers,professionals or people who have lots of experiences in certain fields. Furthermore, before publishing,the content of books are usually filtered by publishers.As a result,most of the information are reliable.Moreover,there are lots of types of books for customers to choose,books can allow people to get access to different knowledge conveniently.While not everyone likes to read books because there are too many words in books and some people may be illiterates. In fact,it is not an efficient way to deliver information.

Secondly,as for radio,some presenters like to react with people,they tend to allow people to call in and exchange their opinions.So it is a good way to discuss opinions and experiences with different people.Furthermore,the radio is free for the public.However,there are many disadvantages in radio.On the one hand,if the electric wave or internet is weak,the radio channels can be easily disrupted.On the other hand,it is not an effective way to deliver information through radio because in modern societies,fewer people use the radio .

Finally, in terms of television ,it is the most effective means to communicate information with the public because the majority of people have a television at home. Furthermore, channels are all displayed in videos so that television is the most attractive way to show information.While there are lots of aggressive or offensive information in television, which may have a negative impact on teenagers or children.

In conclusion,there are different strengths and weaknesses in books,radio and television .Within these tools,television can deliver information most effectively.

Tinawu, please remember that you are being scored on the method that you write the essay. As such, you must always deliver the required elements, one of which is the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. In your opening statement, you missed that requirement by one sentence. That sentence should have indicated the 3 choices that you will be discussing in the body paragraph. The reason you needed to indicate that is simple, it would have completed the paraphrased discussion and outline of your essay. That is the chronological discussion of the essay topic that the reader should expect. Without it, the reader is left guessing as to what to expect of your discussion.

You will also score better if you develop only one topic for discussion per outline. That is because you are scored on coherence and cohesiveness. These factors cannot be achieved when you discuss more than one reason per paragraph. The lack of achievement is because you will not be able to fully explain your reasons due to the 5 sentence maximum requirement. Instead, the paragraph will look unprofessional / non-academic because the discussion is skipping around.

The concluding paragraph of your essay can also use further development in terms of properly restating the discussion you have on the topic and providing a 3-5 sentence wrap up of the choices and reasons behind your choices.

Thanks for your advice.I will try to think about how to correct my essay.