Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Comparing jobs and professions in the past and today life.


alirakiyan 2 / 4  
Feb 22, 2016   #1
When we have a look at history of human, we find that in the past, there have been very limited occupations, jobs and professions in different societies such as ranching, agriculture and blacksmith. But today, because of human advancement in different fields and aspects of daily life, specially in science and technology, many careers and businesses have been created, and for satisfying the need of societies to these careers, societies need more workers.

On the other hand, due to the advancement of societies in the fields of technology and science, it's not possible for one, to get professional in more than one field. for example, science of medic was very limited in the past, so, a medic could learn other fields of science such as chemistry, physics, math, philosophy, and even literature and art, like Leonardo Da Vinci. But today, the science of medic, has advanced so that it has many variations, and getting professional in any of those variations, needs a lot of time and attempt.

Consider Leonardo Da Vinci, as a painter, inventor, medic, and scientist of the medieval era. If he wanted to live in today world, probably he only could learned anatomy and get professional in the field of anatomy, and there would not have remained any time for him to learn art,so we could not see his beautiful paintings.
putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
hi Ali,
first of all, i want to remind you that you have to write down the question so we can see whether you answer the task properly or not.

after reading your whole essay, i highly recommend you to learn the pattern of an essay. you need to know how to make an introduction paragraph better, then develop your body paragraphs including the main idea, supporting sentence, etc. you also need to know that you have to conclude your writing at the end of paragraph.

after that, you can start practicing again and make a great improvement. good luck ^^
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Feb 22, 2016   #3
Very good first try! You will need to revise your essay to include a true conclusion. You last sentence arrangement is merely a repeat of an idea drawn from the essay. You need to formulate about two or three sentences, at least to make it a paragraph, and to draw a conclusion.

[/consider Leornardo Da Vinci...font]

You have already mentioned him, and you need to be not repetitive but tie up the purpose of the essay. What is your final conclusion about jobs and professions in the past and today.

Workers today must limit their vocation to one area of specialization, because there is so much to accomplish, and master.

[/On the other hand...font]

Your just starting out your body paragraph, so you need to say something more general like...

Looking at the perspective of vocations in the past and in the present, we can see a distinct difference...

Perhaps, if you spent some more time on the format of your essay, you could improve it. Just go over the intro and conclusion, and make sure you have a summation of the ideas of the essay. Merely repeating the idea from essay is not enough, you need to make a general conclusion on the subject in total.

Good luck!

ef_carol
OP alirakiyan 2 / 4  
Feb 22, 2016   #4
Thanks.
I agree with you two.
There might be some grammar and structural mistakes in my sentences. can anyone mention them please?

Thanks again.


Home / Writing Feedback / Comparing jobs and professions in the past and today life.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳