to strive for the better
Although examples of prodigies can easily be observed in many aspects of life thanks to mass media, there are also those who strive through training and education to be recognized like their counterparts.
On one hand, people with innate talents demonstrate their abilities at a very young age. The skills come natural to them and they might or might not need further education in order to succeed. Genetics or early exposure to the skill may be the reason for their talents.
On the other hand, people who were not born with such abilities may not be good at the skill initially. But for intensive training, they might never have unlocked their potentials and go beyond their limits. Despite their talents, they might not have had interest in the skill, therefore these people have to be extremely disciplined and determined so as to achieve their goals.
In my opinion, whether those people are talented from birth, or have to go through excruciating training; the crucial thing is that, they have to strive for the better. Determination, as well as passion are indifferent between the two types of people.
In conclusion, it depends on the person, and not the talent that decides who people are.
(Please be kind to correct and give comments, as well as leave a band score for me <3 This was only 196 words as I was tight on time, thank youu)
I don't have any experiences correcting people's works but here are some issues in your writing that I have spotted.
- First, please include the question in your thread next time so others can decide whether you went on point and answered the question correctly. As for your opening paragraph, I think you lack the thesis statement which is really crucial to generally tell the readers what your point of view is.
- Word count is another big problem in IELTS writing. Despite a strict time limit, you still need to make sure that the number of words in your essay is at least close to 250 or else, it will be a demise of your writing score.
- You should pay attention to minor grammar errors: The skills come naturally
- I'm not sure what you mean in paragraph 3 because it's quite confusing. Are you trying to say that those without innate talents have to go extra miles in their training with discipline and great determination in order to reach the level of the talented?
- The 4th paragraph should be moved to the 1st.
- Lastly, it feels like your conclusion is not really a true summary of your writing.
Above are my opinions, I hope that you will improve on your next works and if you have time, please make comment on my writing as well.
Hello, I'm just a high school student so I wish I could give some useful advices.
First, your essay is too short, which means that you haven't done the requirement and obviously you will lose the point.
Secondly, you should be careful with your grammar:
DETERMINATION, as well as PASSION
are indifferent ... ---------> is
Structure: if you use "as well as" for two subjects, the verb(s) for 2 two subjects must be conjugated with the first subject.
Eg: THE STUDENTS, as well as THE TEACHER, ARE decorating their class.
Last but not least, your conclusion needs fixing because I think your statement can not convey the main idea and your opinion.
Thanks for reading.
Quynh, due to the under writing that you did in this essay, you will not only get a mark down, you will get an automatic failing score. You have to meet the minimum word requirement of 250 words before you can be considered for scoring under the 4 brackets. As such, I am not going to score this essay. I am also not going to look into the potential grammar and presentation mistakes that you made with this essay. Instead, I want to give you advice to help you reach the 250 word count.
It is obvious that you are not capable of writing an essay of 250 words within the allotted time frame. So what can you do to improve? Spend at least 4 days just writing an essay of 250 words. Do not time yourself, yet. It is useless to time yourself if you are unable to meet the word requirement each time. Instead, just write 250 words for the essay. Get used to writing 250 words. I can review your response, spot problem points, and advice you on how to improve your presentations based on the minimum 250 word, no time pressure essay.
When you are already comfortable writing 250 words, that should take about a week of practice of writing at least 2 essays a day, you may begin to time yourself to see how many words you can then write under time pressure. Forget about the timer for now. We need to make sure that you can properly discuss the essay prompts first. Once you do that properly, you can begin to time yourself. You will find that you can write a more than the minimum word count by then.