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Task 1: The comparison of Australian residents who visit four different public places

Maya29 14 / 18 14  
May 1, 2016   #1
The comparison of Australian residents from three different birthplaces who visit zoo, library, theatre and cinema in the country is presented in the bar chart. What stands out form the data reveals that majority of people tend to choose the cinema as their most favourite place to be visited except for those who are born in non-English-speaking countries.

To begin, there is a big difference in the number of people who come to the two entertainment places, cinema and theatre. The cinema has the highest visitors from native Australians and new migrants from English-speaking countries at more than 60% while residents born in other countries prefer going to library most. On the contrary, theatre holds the records as the least place to be seen from all people in Australia at approximately a third from the cinema's visitor number.

Next, the rest places are zoo and library which are education spots in the state. The rate of people who come to these places has a similar point at approximately 42% or less. However, the highest number of people who visit the zoo and library is reached by the new incomers from English-speaking and non-English-speaking countries at 50% or more, respectively.

justivy03 - / 2366 607  
May 4, 2016   #2
Hi Maya, I can see that you received a comprehensive remark here from one of the EF contributors, now, I hope you follow through with the suggested modifications and below are additional corrections from my end.

2nd paragraph

- To begin with , there
- who comecame to
- the two entertainment places,
- going to library most( this is not necessary ) .
- all people inthe Australian population

Last paragraph
- Next, the rest of the
- places are zoo and the library
- has a similar
- library ishas reached
- by the new in comers from

There you have it Maya, I wish you the best of luck in your revision and may you find the corrections helpful as well as useful in your future writing reference. Keep writing!
akmalnov 3 / 6  
May 15, 2016   #3
Hi Maya,

I thought you have to recheck every spelling errors on your essay. I notice a bit mistakes on spelling word Form instead of From . Because of form and from speaks in different meaning and definition, this could ruin the original meaning of the entire sentences.

I hope you can take the advantages due to my little assistance to enhance your writing skills :D

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