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A comparison of changes in the amount of money spent on books over a 10-year period


amrillahmk31 15 / 17 2  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
A comparison of changes in the amount of money spent on books over a 10-year period, which is measured in us dollars is depicted in the line graph. It is important to be noticed that over the period, the amount of money expenditure on books gradually increased in all countries. The most significant rise was experienced by Austria in last 4 years while france keep on the track underwent gradual growth. On the other hand, Germany and Italy saw a fluctuation in the middle of period. However, at the end of period, Germany still in the first place for money expenditure on books.

To begin with, starting at the lowest place, Austria experienced a dramatic rise in the amount of money spent on books than the others. Initially, Austria stood at 30 million dollars and finished at around 72 million dollars, which was increasing double amount of money from starting point. Meanwhile, France grew steadily and finished at roughly 74 million dollars at the end of period.

Regarding to Germany and Italy, they experienced gradual incline even though both of them showed a fluctuation in the middle of period. Italy grew from 50 to approximately 62 million dollars, while Germany finished roughly at 95 million dollars. Comparing to the other countries, Germany was still in the first place for money expenditure on books since it was started until finished.




fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
Hi Amril,

Nice to see your essay here. Your essay is great, but let me try to comment on your essay.

Your, overview, I guess, it was too complex. You need at least 2 sentences to highlight and than put on your body paragraphs. Maybe, you can choose a similar trend showed an gradual increase generally and Germany as the largest expenditure.

You should divide your explanation with proper body paragraphs by grouping, it will make your flow better to read. Perhaps, you can use years for separating the essay. for example, 1995 and 2005 will became one paragraph in body 1, then others are in body 2. second option, 1995 - 1999 for one group, and others for else group.

And, you should use comparative sentences, such as slightly larger, considerably the greatest spending, gradual less expenditure, these words will enhance your essay. So, your readers will not feel bored with same pattern.

A comparison of changes in the amount of money spent on books over a 10-year period(or you can use : over the period in question) , which is measured in usUS dollars in four countries(i guess you forgot it) is depicted in the line graph

I hope it can helps, good luck then :)


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